"There is need of only one thing."
Sometimes I have to ask myself, what is that one thing? I often catch myself saying, "I just need to get ___ before I can do __." Most of the time when I am saying that it is because I want to be comfortable. I want to have everything I need and to use it as I please. Once in a while it really is just procrastination but usually it is the issue of comfort.
Many people ask sisters if they have to give up x, y and/or z things in religious life. It is definitely a valid question because you need to know what you're agreeing to if you choose to enter into religious life. However, that mentality is discarded in formation and community living as you are challenged and stretched into the attitude of "yes."
Suddenly the change occurs, sometimes we don't even realize it happening, and we become more selfless. We stop litigating within ourselves what we will give based on what we think we're going to receive. When we do revert back to that older way of thinking it shocks us and we think, "Didn't I already get past that?"
However much we do get past it, original sin makes sure that we are always on our guard against letting it become our primary way of relating.
Recently, I have been experiencing this more and more as I get ready to go to a new mission. It preoccupies my mind almost all the time, haha, as it would anyone else who is making a big change. I think, "Oh, if only I had this computer program, I could do the coolest things in school!" "If I only had a little money to buy this kind of book, I could really teach this."
This little voice in my head goes on and on and on about all the things that would make my move more simple, school more successful, and convent life more comfortable. But it isn't supposed to be comfortable. It needs to be challenging, selfless, life-giving, sacrificial, and above all prayerful. The one thing needed for this attitude shift is prayer. God gives to those who rely on Him and that is exactly what I intend on doing. I know that little voice is going to continue prodding me with wonderful suggestions, but if I give in, there will be more and more and more. The peace I need, the comfort I desire comes only from Him.