I've been really down the past few weeks. I was nurturing some bad habits and some big time pride and it all caught up with me last weekend. Basically, it was terrible. I felt like a fool and God and I had a really big talk about how dumb I had been. It wasn't like He was telling me with some big club held over my head - but I knew it in my heart with a very honest self-knowledge - the kind I rarely feel. It's like I know how wonderfully made I am and how far I have fallen or cheapened God's gift to me. I know His mercy is there right away - it certainly isn't a despairing moment - just one of truth. There are no excuses, no questions... just an almost emotionless desire to end the habit or thought because of God. I'm glad this time He didn't give me feelings of extreme joy, or desire for Him. He instead gave me the grace in the moment to see truth and decide my response to it.
So here I am, tentatively and reflectively attempting to renew and rebuild! It feels good to do some of this "spring cleaning" of my life and soul. Since the soul stuff went so well - I decided to spring clean in the house and my classroom today too! To me, cleaning is one of the most relaxing things I could possibly do. I just love to clean. When I say clean - I mean ceiling to floor scrub - not dusting and putting things away. I'm talking serious cleaning. It was great!
Now I'm in crunch time for the end of the year and I feel renewed to pack up my classroom and get ready for some busy summer adventures. I'll keep updating!