+ J.M.J.A.T. +

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I had the strangest experience the other night.  As I've mentioned before I love to drive through the city, especially at night when there is no traffic, and I was coming home late the other night and decided to take the "scenic" route.  As I was watching the cars and the lights and the people and reflecting on the very good meeting I was returning from I was overwhelmed by the goodness of God to me.  How, when I look at all these people, have I been so blessed to live and work and have my being in this great God?  How, after all the missteps I should have fallen into, have I become this woman I could not have even imagined five years ago, not for myself and not for anyone else either?  What have I done to deserve the community I love, the apostolate in which I experience redemption, and the intimate relationship with the King?

I know it is nothing I have done but it still boggles my mind... how did I end up here?  I ask this question not in disbelief but in awe of what God can do with so little - with less than anything at all.  When I look at my past and my experiences of life... I should have been a disaster.  There is little to nothing that would indicate that I would ever be a woman religious.  I could never think of a better life and I am humbled that God would want me, that in spite of all my flaws and my sinfulness, He would desire me.

It was a painful transformation into this person I never knew but who is me entirely.  It required facing masks, accepting loss and transition, losing control, surrendering, sacrifice, and being open to a whole other person - the one God always desired me to be but the one that I never was.

Now, I know God's work with me is not done.  The transformation is never complete until eternal life with Him.  But I am, if I might use a strange word, in harmony with my whole self and with God.  There is no wall, no huge contradiction, no mask, no hiding, no compensation - just life with Him and His people.  It is freedom.


  1. What an experience of grace beautifully expressed. Thank you so much for sharing it.

  2. Prayers for you Anonymous. Come back.