Tomorrow the first full week of school comes to an end and I am overwhelmed yet peaceful and happy at the same time about how the week has gone, and how the weekend is going to come! Quite frequently these days I have felt the uncontrollable urge to cry... and not because I'm having a bad day like I did before. I could chalk it up to the very human feeling of lack of sleep and overwhelming circumstances, however, it seems more like a heightened emotional state.
I am in a new convent, teaching in a new school, living with new sisters, praying in a new chapel, and living basically a totally new life. I just feel so touched by the small things, whether they be sad, happy, difficult, simple... they are all just such vivid feelings. My children are especially big reasons for my tears. Middle schoolers... anyone who has children in that age range or have taught them certainly understands my feelings. They can be so profound, so needy, so loving, so compassionate, so mean, so sad all at once and it changes so frequently. I almost feel like they are rubbing off on me!
Really, I know that I have been given such a gift and a privilege to walk with them as their teacher, as someone who loves them and desires all the best things for them. It gets my emotions all riled up, because they have so much potential and they don't know it. But, I love them. That is what I promised to do and I know that there are many people in their lives who have not promised to do that in the same way and they get messages all the time that they are no one, that they do not matter, and that they won't be anything important ever.
It just breaks my heart and at the same time I can see so much in their eyes when they look at me, when they realize that they learned something, that they pleased me, that they are having fun, that they look like little children sometimes, even when they are in trouble. I know that every moment is essential to their formation as Catholic young men and women. They just always make me want to cry! :)
This weekend I will be at our Motherhouse for some community meetings and with a friend of mine for some fun. Hopefully, both will help me unwind!