The top most asked question of high school girls about vocations is, "How do you know?" I answered quite a few of those questions this weekend at a retreat for young women discerning religious life. However, I also received a question that I've never been asked before, "What if it is all a waste... what if God isn't real and you've wasted your life for no reason?"
I guess people have eluded to that question at times and I've answered that I'm happy in my life and I'm doing good so it really isn't a waste... at least it isn't a waste any more or less than anyone else's life in those circumstances. However I answered a little differently this time around.
So far, what I've come up with is more of a conviction than an answer. Intellectually speaking, sure, it could all be a mistake. God could not be real, He could not exist. I'm not going to argue the possibility, although I know there are wonderful theological proofs! My answer is that I love Him enough to take the chance. I'm willing to lay down my life for the very possibility that the love of Christ exists. Let's be honest, as human beings sometimes belief seems to be more about how we feel than what we know. I've decided to commit myself to the hope of Christ's love whether I feel it or not.
There are many times when I don't feel it. There are a lot of times it doesn't all make sense and yet again I remember that I made vows to that which I know only by faith. I pray that God continues to bless me with that gift and that He continues to call out generous, self-sacrificing women to carry that gift as well.