Nothing really has happened to make me feel so 'bleh'. It is just difficult being a religious, a teacher, a blood sister, a daughter, a friend, and a speaker. In each of those categories a million other things are required and they never fit into the twenty four hours I'm allotted each day (which is something I've been meaning to ask God about! Why such short days?! :) )
As a religious I spend about two hours a day in scheduled prayer. I live in community where I have charges to do and common life to participate in through meals, prayers, friendship, and chatter. As a teacher I am counselor, friend, parent, confidant, grader, planner, and a million other things. I still have a family that I never talk to and wish I could. My friends are getting engaged and married and sometimes I can't even keep track anymore!
I love my life, but sometimes I live it better than others. Sometimes I have so much energy and I get that balance so right and I feel like a million bucks. Those are the times when I feel like super - nun. When it all doesn't quite come together; when my emails are busting my inbox seams, when the papers, tests, and homework assignments are up to my eyeballs, when I'm running in the door just in time for prayers, when I'm going to sleep at midnight, and when I'm forgetting everything not attached to me... I wonder if I can actually do it!
This is one of those times... yet here I am blogging. Maybe not the best use of time, but it does help put a name on this lack of "super-nun" feeling. And it has given me some perspective. Jesus didn't call me to be successful and to be super-nun. He called me to be the woman I am in the life He chose for me in relationship with Him. I have to learn to be humble enough to accept my shortcomings and failings.