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Sunday, April 10, 2011

Going back in time...

Do you ever wish you could go back in time?  I frequently do - but especially today.  I'm just too fiery for my own good and for the good of others sometimes.  I wish God would calm me down a bit because I'm so bad at prudence sometimes!

Have you ever known that you are right about something but haven't discerned correctly in the moment whether it was the right time, place, or person to discuss the topic?  That's exactly what I did today.  It wasn't the right person, time, or place to discuss what we did and I showed more than I was comfortable with of my emotions about the topic.  I wish I didn't - but I did.  Maybe I wasn't wrong in sharing... maybe I'm just uncomfortable with sharing my feelings like that.  Maybe I care so much about the topic that I felt too vulnerable, too raw - not "ladylike" enough.

Maybe, really, I'm just uncomfortable with being passionate about something.  It is as if sometimes there is a wariness in me about "rocking the boat."  I feel like there is this expectation that we don't talk about things that cause disagreement, discussion, emotion, and different viewpoints.  I don't know where the expectation comes from.  I'm not sure why I even entertain it... I'm not exactly a peacemaker most of the time.

I just don't know.  What is the right way to stand up for what is right?  How do you know though?  Is it only good when you're comfortable afterwards with what was said?  Or is it good that I'm disturbed and uncomfortable with what happened?  Is it an indication of passion and growth?  Or is it stubbornness and close mindedness?

I don't think I'm going to get an answer.


1 comment:

  1. I guess if we're going to stand up for anything, we have to expect some conflict. A lot of us are trained to avoid it, even to be ashamed of it-- especially if we're girls. But I think it's important to engage the questions. If one encounter seems unproductive-- well, it's always a resource for the next time around.