Heart of the Matter

Last night I went to sleep with a heavy heart. I made the mistake yesterday evening of reading the article in Newsweek, "Bring the Pope to Justice," by Christopher Hitchens. After I read it I felt quite hopeless and very confused about what we would do next. While I find it very unlikely that anything Christopher Hitchens suggested be done to our Holy Father or to the Vatican would actually happen, I did feel the strain of the fact that legal action is being suggested against our Holy Father.

This morning I woke up still feeling that heavy hearted sadness about everything that has happened recently in our Church. The sun was just coming up and my bedroom was filled to the point that I could barely see anything because of the light. As I was getting dressed, I bent down to put my shoes on and noticed the shadow of just my Crucifix on the unfinished wood of my drawers. I stopped what I was doing to look at it and was filled with a sense of peace. A small sign seemed to be present in that shadow. Jesus is the only one that matters. He will take care of this too.

At Mass, as Father was pouring the wine into the chalice I felt drawn again to that Crucifix. I thought that maybe this time in our Church was the time to join in Christ's sacrifice and pour out our own blood with His. I feel that we are being emptied and when we are emptied God uses us in extraordinary ways. When the Holy Father was in the United States he said that our Church would get smaller but more faithful. I think that we are going to lose a lot but that the spiritual fruit of our suffering, sacrifice, and perseverance will be beyond measure.

I join my loses, my heartache, and my desire with all the Church and ask God to sanctify it and lead me to new and lasting life through death. Whatever happens let me make the fundamental choice to follow Jesus faithfully through the Church no matter what hardship occurs.

I don't know if any of this makes much sense but I feel very much at peace with whatever might come from the circumstances in our Church and our world right now. Jesus is in it all. Praise be to God for the good, the bad, the sad, the joyful and all things that can lead to holiness.

Women and Spirit: Catholic Sisters in America

This is a picture of one of the items included in the Women and Spirit exhibit. I went to see the exhibit a few weeks ago and have been thinking about it ever since. It made me cry, smile, laugh, and thank God for His goodness to us for all this time. In the relatively short history of women religious in the United States there are stories upon stories of women answering God's call in the very radical way of total gift of self to His service. Their joy, suffering, desire, gratitude, confidence, prudence, prayerfulness, and dedication are evident in each section of the exhibit from the first contemplative community to arrive, to nurses in the Civil War, to sisters marching for civil rights. There was just too much to go into all of it!

I was especially touched by the above item though for both practical and spiritual reasons. Practically, this wooden box with three key holes was used to hold all the sisters important papers and valuable items. Three individual sisters had one of the keys and the box only opened with all three keys. As I have grown up in the age of computer passwords, debit pin numbers, and photo ID as ways of securing my identity and valuables; I found this form of protection intriguing, and it worked!

Spiritually, I was thinking of my own person, and my vocation especially as the box. The box holding all the valuable things that God puts into such a frail and weak person. His grace which gave me faith, gifts, talents, feelings, and desires are safely guarded in this sacred place. The question is, how do I retrieve all that God has given me in my life as a religious when I need to use these gifts of grace?

There are three things that are most dear to my life as a religious sister. These keys are the ways that God reveals Himself to me and how I respond to Him. First, and most importantly, is prayer. Without prayer, I would cease being a religious. I would just be someone who does good works. Prayer is the force for everything else I do and God is the foundation for my life. By realizing my need and my dependence on Him, He gives me all that I need. God is a provident and loving God and He never leaves us without.

The next key is community. The sisters with whom I live bring out different parts of me all the time! Some are good and some are bad, but the bad help me to know myself more so that I can continue striving for holiness. Without the key of community living I wouldn't have the vision and support of a group of women learning and growing together. Community is for me an ever changing example of Jesus; teaching, healing, correcting, recreating, and suffering with and for one another.

The third key is mission. As I have grown as a religious, I have done things that I never, even in my wildest dreams, ever thought I would do. I am always in new situations with new people who have different needs and somehow the grace comes to respond. In the apostolate, I see Jesus as the sick, suffering, hungry, thirsty, naked, and uneducated. Somehow, they bring out of this weak sister love, compassion, passion, dedication, hard-work, and enthusiasm for the Kingdom.

Religious life is a lot about balance. Without one of these keys, I can't live up to the vocation God has given me. Authentic apostolic religious life is dependent on these three keys to living and growing towards holiness.

God, may my little box always be ready to open with the touch of your grace, so that all the gifts you have given me may be used for your greater glory and for the coming of the Kingdom on earth. Amen!

Reading

"There broke out a severe persecution of the Church in Jerusalem,

and all were scattered
throughout the countryside of Judea and Samaria,
except the Apostles.
Devout men buried Stephen and made a loud lament over him.
Saul, meanwhile, was trying to destroy the Church;
entering house after house and dragging out men and women,
he handed them over for imprisonment.

Now those who had been scattered went about preaching the word.
Thus Philip went down to the city of Samaria
and proclaimed the Christ to them.
With one accord, the crowds paid attention to what was said by Philip
when they heard it and saw the signs he was doing.
For unclean spirits, crying out in a loud voice,
came out of many possessed people,
and many paralyzed and crippled people were cured.
There was great joy in that city."

Today at Mass I was touched by this reading in light of a few different things happening in our Church these days. I feel that the whole Church is living through a time when it is necessary to live the Catholic faith more passionately than we have had to in quite a while. By passionately, I mean with a deep willingness to sacrifice for our Church, to do penance for our mistakes, to live as authentic Christian witnesses, and to constantly seek to follow the will of God. I am not saying that this passion is important only now, but that the circumstances in which we are living make it vital that we live with this sort of passion.

The first happening I was reminded of in this reading was the pressure on our Holy Father at this time because of the sex abuse scandal. From the Times Online, "Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, the atheist author, have asked human rights lawyers to produce a case for charging Pope Benedict XVI over his alleged cover-up of sexual abuse in the Catholic church." We are being persecuted at this time and I feel so strongly that we need to offer up whatever we can for the safety of our Holy Father. In trying to keep the pope away from a whole section of believers, we are seeing the freedom to follow our consciences and our faith threatened. I do believe that this is just the first of many challenges we are soon going to see.

The next interesting thing I see happening has to do with the courageous decision of Bishop Brandt in the diocese of Greensburg, PA to withdraw diocesan resources from vocation promotion to any religious community who signed the NETWORK letter supporting the health-care bill. I am young in religion but I have yet to see any bishop handle the disobedience in religious communities with such prudence, respect, and authenticity. What I am impressed with is the way Bishop Brandt did not punish the sisters for their disobedience, but held them accountable to what they felt they had to do. They distanced themselves from the Church and the Church through Bishop Brandt allowed them the freedom of conscience to follow what they thoughts was right. However, they had to accept the consequences of distancing themselves from the Church. I am hoping that this is the beginning of a new trend in the way we handle these kinds of situations within our Church.

Altogether I think this is a wonderful time for the faithful and religious men and women in particular to rededicate themselves to the mission of the Church. This reading today gave me a lot of hope for this to happen. The eternal city will be one filled with great joy.

It has taken me a few days to get around to writing but I really feel the need to address some interesting news unfolding about the apostolic visitation of women religious in the United States. The National Catholic Reporter released an article listing the communities that have been chosen to receive an on-site visit and a prayer for those communities and the visitors. The original article attributed both the list and the prayer to Mother Clare. Here you can read the retraction. I tried to post a comment on NCR's website, however, I was denied. While I don't have a copy of the exact wording of what I tried to post I would like to expand on some of my ideas here, since I was not given the opportunity there.

First, there are nineteen communities mentioned in the list of on-site visits. Of the nineteen; two or three wear visible religious garb, most (but not all!) are members of the LCWR, and many (again not all!) would not be considered traditional, but progressive. Any logical person who reads that these particular communities were the sole communities chosen by Mother Clare to be visited would conclude that the visitation is in fact a witch hunt, one that is out to reign in the sisters who are "unfaithful". Those of us who are past the whole conspiracy theory realize that cannot be true.

The list of communities while accurate, is incomplete. It is only a sampling of the communities that are actually being visited. Why would Mother Clare give an incomplete list? She wouldn't. The LCWR gave the list to NCR. This changes the whole story, the whole picture, of a major issue in our Church right now! The LCWR simply told NCR what members of that umbrella organization were being visited as far as they knew and offered a prayer for them. Now, the logical person reading this story realizes that there are communities out there who are being visited who are not on the list because they don't belong to the LCWR, or they are prudent enough to know to keep confidential things, confidential. It doesn't look like a witch hunt anymore, does it?

Now what it looks like is bad and biased reporting in which the process of an apostolic visitation is being twisted and harmed. I am disappointed in NCR for their bad reporting and distortion of these events. I am more disappointed with the LCWR for their lack of prudence and sensitivity in dealing with this issue of visitation. As a religious woman, I intend to use this visitation as an opportunity to show my love for the Church and my desire to be a true, faithful daughter of the Church. I also intend to speak up when an injustice occurs such as this one. I will not be represented by LCWR or NCR and I will not allow this kind of information to float around without trying to correct it.

I also suggest forgetting the prayer suggested by the LCWR. Instead, let us continue to pray the Visitation Prayer given to us by Mother Clare.

O Virgin of the Visitation,
compelled by the Holy Spirit,
and with Jesus hidden beneath your Heart,
you arose in those days and, with haste,
went to your kinswoman Elizabeth,
to serve her in her time of need.
Elizabeth acknowledged your faith,
and a new song came to flower on your lips;
thus did you magnify the Father
whose mercy is from generation to generation.
Visit us now, O Mother of Our Lord,
and obtain for us a quickening of prophetic grace,
that we may serve our sisters in faithfully loving the Church,
and love the Church in humbly serving our sisters,
and so, under your gracious protection,
again and again repeat your words:
“Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord;
be it done unto me according to your word.”
O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary!

Please pray for all religious women, that we may be faithful to our calling and that we might all grow in charity and virtue. Amen.

Behold, my heart...

"O Jesus … remember that you did promise that when you would be elevated on the cross, you would draw all hearts to you. Behold, my heart, softened into tenderness by your death, will no longer resist your calls. Draw all its affections to your love. You have died for me, and I wish to live only for you… .I thank you for the light which you give me, in making me see in these wounds and lacerated members, as through so many lattices, your great and tender affection for me… My Jesus gives himself to me, and I give myself entirely to him… .Come, O Holy Spirit, and inflame our hearts with the love of you."

-St. Alphonsus

He is risen! Alleluia! Last time I posted I was really having a difficult time with following my dear Savior's will. However, Easter has brought with it the peace of doing God's will and not my own. It is amazing how the Church seasons embrace all our human frailty and emotional need at different times. I really identified with the death of Jesus in these days because I was feeling a deep loss in my own life. I also felt a sense of insecurity and unknowing - I'm sure much like the feeling of the disciples when Jesus was crucified. However, at the Easter Vigil, Jesus gave me the grace and the desire to offer my heart to Him in the same way that He offered His spirit to the Father. As the candles were lit, I gave myself over to Him. In that moment I experienced the rebirth of Easter. Problems don't cease to exist, but a joy and peace encompasses them and holds them in the hands of the Father. New graces, new experiences, new adventures occur... there is no longer death, but new life! Who would ever think that this would be the way God would choose to work in our hearts?

It is all about our hearts though. It is all about vulnerability and openness to God's touch in the most personal places of our lives. He touches our desires, our needs, our sadness, our joy, and our pain in ways that inflame the love within us. Today I want to thank Jesus for joy and sadness, for life through death, for peace in difficult times, for allowing me to change and be myself, for being with me when I'm not with Him, and for waiting at my tomb to tell me to rise and set out again on another adventure with Him.

It seems to me more and more all the time that this life with Jesus, especially in my life as a religious, is one big adventure and just when I think that it can't get anymore loving, anymore exciting, anymore passionate, sacrificial, energizing, and life-giving He takes me to a whole other place, a whole other level. I can never understand His will and I can never know the love He has for me without looking upon the Cross and entering the tomb.

Jesus, let me love you with my whole heart. Let me trust in You. Let me grow into the person you desire me to be. Let me give of myself, holding nothing back. Let me follow wherever you lead. Jesus, be with me. Amen

O will of God... so difficult at times!

Do you remember being denied some desire as a child that would have resulted in a moment of instant gratification in a pure and innocent way? For example, mom and dad might have said no to a big ice cream cone before dinner, or a hot dog at a fair even though you already ate lunch, or an ice pop from the ice cream truck in the summer (Interesting, isn't it, that all my childhood memories of being denied something I really wanted center around food... I wonder what that means!).

I feel like a spoiled child of God right now! I know what I want... that forbidden ice cream cone. However, I also know that I am going to be denied it and I just don't want to go along with it. Sometimes God's good will is like this. When I feel this way, this temptation to have something, I think of the grace that God is showering upon me to conquer my will in even a very small way. These days, however, God is asking me to conquer my will in a much harder way. I am not very strong in this. I am quite stubborn and very logical... so I think I'm always right. Oh, Lord help me.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I am in need of the prayers of His faithful in these days. I would be very grateful if you would remember me in prayer as I try to do His will in a difficult situation.

Hopefully I will be able to write a little more often soon. God bless you!

The City

Without sharing exactly where I live, I will say that it is probably the best city in the United States of America (I bet that's what everyone says!). What can I say? I'm partial! Today, I had a doctors appointment after school. It was a beautiful day outside. The temperature was up in the seventies and the sun was shining. I rolled the windows down in the car and as I was driving I looked at the beautiful faces of all the people stuck in the traffic of pre-rush hour. I could see the beautiful river to the side of the different ramps and freeways I was taking. It was just so wonderful, so full of life, and so full of history.

When we had our school book fair a few months ago, one of the sisters saw me looking intently at a book called "The Art of Freedom." She bought it for me and put it outside my bedroom. I was so grateful for this beautiful testament to our country's character. As I was looking out the car window though, the scenes I saw were much more vivid than any of the artist's visions of our country.

As I passed a homeless man, he blessed himself as I gave him the little money I had with me. When I was sitting at a red light, the man going the opposite direction saw my habit and waved and wished me a good day. As I drove past the seminary, where I have studied and many of my friends have, I felt a joy at our spiritual heritage. God we have been so blessed!

I did not grow up in this city - but around it in the suburbs. I don't know sometimes if the kids I teach realize how lucky they are to live in a place with such a strong Catholic identity and such a beautiful historical tradition. The spirit is amazing.

What a life-giving day! Thank you Lord!

As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.

John Paul certainly had it right with this quote. Right now I am noticing a lot how hard it is for youth to grow up in the atmosphere of our world right now. I am only in my twenties so I am not too far removed but I see even more now as a teacher.

There are so many things bombarding them all the time from sex to drugs, to revenge, to hate, to addictions, to family issues. There is just so much! My heart aches for them as I look into their eyes when they share with me that their dads have been in jail since they were a year old. What do you say to that? I really don't know except to love. John Paul had it right. As the family goes, so goes everything else. I pray each day that I can maybe sway that family influence when it is negative in another way, that these children of God know that they are loved, appreciated, and worth everything in the world.

Sometimes in school I just think how can they even learn in class? How? When they go home to chaos and inattention. They feel like they don't matter and of course, they react to that in their behavior. I just wish there was some way to take their pain away from them.

We have been having some problems at our school these past few weeks with the attention-grabbing, vengeful behavior of some of our kids. As I have thought about it I can see that they have nothing to fall back on. They seem to be stuck in this cycle of bad decisions. Please pray with me that our youth can find a way to live in the presence of God and dedicate themselves to following His will for each of them.

Work

On Monday, I ran all day long. You can probably tell I haven't blogged in the past few days, but Monday was especially packed. I won't go through the whole long thing but I didn't get back to my bedroom at night until nine o'clock (I'm really not a night person). When I got back to my bedroom, I sat down in the chair for a few moments to gather my thoughts before getting into bed and falling into a quick coma! While I was sitting there I realized I was smiling. It wasn't because I had a wonderful day and it certainly wasn't because I felt wonderful - boy was I tired! - it was because I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Everything that I do each day seems to be important to God. It is amazing because even the little things matter. I went to a boring meeting on Monday night... but I did it with love. I don't always succeed in doing it with love but on Monday God moved my heart in that direction and I am grateful. Every time things get difficult, He lets me know that I am where I need to be.

These past few days have been difficult ones, with many transitions and many difficulties but I still know that the Lord is with me through them all. He is so good to me. Someone asked me recently, amid the difficulties I have been experiencing, why do I keep going? It is all because of Him. Many times I doubt that He is there with me or that He will take care of all the practical things - but I know that He always does.

"However, take care and be earnestly on your guard not to forget the things which your own eyes have seen, nor let them slip from your memory as long as you live, but teach them to your children and to your children's children." -Deuteronomy

I am a teacher. I hope that I do not forget the reason - ever - for my profession as a teacher and my vocation as a religious. Thank you Lord!

Prayers

I have not been posting too much because my grandmother is sick and a dear friend of mine in faith has been having a difficult time. Please pray for both of them, for healing and peace. Thank you. If there is anything that anyone would like me to blog about I would be happy for suggestions!

God bless you!

Peace

Well, it has been a whirlwind of a day. This morning I slept in and went to school early... I know, that sounds strange but we had a later schedule because Father came to say Mass for us in the evening so we didn't need to go to the six-thirty. The day went by so quickly. Sometimes there are just days that anything that can go wrong does... today was one of them! Actually, this whole week has been kinda like that!

The students went to Confession today which is wonderful, it does throw a little kink in the schedule though. Don't get me wrong, I love being part of preparing them for and providing the opportunity for them to receive the sacraments. It does get a little stressful though! Strangely enough I found myself about seven hours later in Church doing the same exact thing for the CCD students. I realized again that apostolic joy in bringing others to Jesus.

In between these two scheduled times for confession, we had Mass in the convent Chapel, which I love! First, because it is awesome to have Mass said in the same structure in which you live. Second, because it is an opportunity for the sisters to celebrate the Eucharist together. And third, because the Eucharist is a central element of our community spirituality.

Something was different today though. As many of you have probably experienced, the sign of peace has been changed because of the swine flu outbreak. Today, the ban was lifted, and Father made a little joke about being able to shake hands again. We all laughed and as I looked into the eyes of my sisters at this joyful and new experience, I realized how united we were. In the silent moments after this outbreak of joyful laughter, I thought of God's goodness to me.

In a day that was filled to the brim, God offered me this beautiful little moment of purity and joy. I can't help but wonder how many moments during the day I missed that were also gifts of renewal and refreshment.

Prayer, Work, Community

We always say the three main staples of religious life are prayer, work, and community life lived in the context of the evangelical counsels. But, boy, does it take a lot of practice to get these three things down! Sometimes the balance is exhausting. It is also rewarding.

Life never moved as quickly as it does for me in the convent. This morning feels like it happened years and years ago! I love the quote that I have frequently heard from my community's history, "A busy day in the life of a religious is one long canticle of praise." Well, it certainly doesn't always feel like a "canticle of praise." I can see though the moments that make these days filled with God. The child who just wants to talk, the Sister who needs a friend or someone to share in her work and joys, and making the time to spend in prayer with the Reason for it all.

As I reflect today on my day I realize how many interactions I have had that have been saturated by my relationship with God and I am so grateful that He is with me all the time! There are usually no moments to question, to reflect on what to do in the moment - so it is the preparation that counts, it is the fueling up in prayer that makes God come to life in the world each day. If I didn't pray each morning before I began my work - it would be meaningless. I am just so thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to spend myself in His service.

Now, after this probably meaningless little post, which probably doesn't make sense, I am going to throw myself into my bed and start all over again. It is a thought that although I am exhausted excites me in a way I have never been excited before. Thank you Lord for this life!

Silent

"They fell silent and did not at that time tell anyone what they had seen."

In Father's homily this morning he put the words "I don't want to leave here" into the mouth of Peter as he was expanding on the Transfiguration. It touched my heart deeply and I felt I really could cry but was silent because sometimes there aren't any words that express why something or someone is so important.

Maybe it is that sometimes there is so much to say and no words to express the feelings that God gives the gift of silence. I have felt before that feeling of not wanting to leave a place where God has shown Himself to me, wanting to stay forever. Why can't I stay forever? I think that the answer is that the silence in those moments prepares us for the time later to tell what we have seen.

God is so good for allowing those experiences but He allows them for the benefit of others in addition to our own salvation.

“What shall I say? Everything that I could say would fade into insignificance compared with what my heart feels, and your hearts feel, at this moment.” - Pope John Paul II

The Longing for Resurrection

Well, the third blizzard in a month has made me really enter into the desert (or tundra) with the Lord. I feel very much in the Lenten spirit of solitude and penance. Basically, I have cabin (or convent :)) fever! The winter has been so long and I am more than ready for the sun to come out and warm the earth back to life. In my weary heart I am also more than ready to feel the light of the Resurrection come upon me.

I know, it is only the beginning of Lent, but I think that this longing must be a gift from God for me this season. As I was shoveling this morning so that the sisters could get to Mass, and then after Mass to get the cars out, and then after that to do the sidewalks, I was thinking about the heavy burden of the Cross. Although my body is exhausted from all of this shoveling, my heart is heavy with the love with which I prepared the way for my sisters and the parish community. The reason I worked as I did was because I love them. I want them to be safe and secure.

It was well worth it because I could then watch out for them as we made our way slowly to Mass. A dear sister held onto my arm as I escorted her to the parish church. It filled my heart with joy to be with her and to be able to help her and to show her my love for her through my concern. I think that parents must feel like this quite often because of what they do for their children. I know that my experience today is a small reminder of the self-sacrificing love of Jesus on the Cross.

"And even though the victory over sin and death achieved by Christ in his Cross and Resurrection does not abolish temporal suffering from human life, nor free from suffering the whole historical dimension of human existence, it nevertheless throws a new light upon this dimension and upon every suffering: the light of salvation. This is the light of the Gospel, that is, of the Good News...God the Father has loved the only-begotten Son, that is, he loves him in a lasting way; and then in time, precisely through this all-surpassing love, he "gives" this Son, that he may strike at the very roots of human evil and thus draw close in a salvific way to the whole world of suffering in which man shares." - Pope John Paul II, Salvifici Doloris.

Lord, may I be brought forward to the Resurrection of love and light and grace. Amen.

Apostolate: Disappointment and Enthusiasm

It is amazing how quickly a group of middle school students can go from angelic to... well, not so angelic. One of the most interesting things for me as a young Sister is trying to find the right balance in my interaction with the youth. Many of the urban schools our sisters staff have students with parent(s) in jail, drug and alcohol problems in the home, and no supervision outside of school. Of course, this makes math, reading, and writing seem like wastes of time.

But, my job is to teach math, reading, writing, and religion. What do we mean by religion? Certainly it is the truth as taught by the Magisterium of the Catholic Church without deviation! But it is also the spirit of Jesus in compassion, forgiveness, love, joy, comfort, security, trust, and mercy. So, what is the job of a religious woman in a school teaching religion? I would say it is a tall order because it entails showing Jesus in a concrete way to every student we meet. How do we keep order and discipline while showing compassion and love? It is difficult but well worth it.

Yesterday one of my students handed in a beautiful essay about why prejudice still exists in our world. I don't remember her exact words but she said something like, "We are all called to be like our Blessed Mother - loving, kind, compassionate, and always looking out for one another." Here is a city-kid, who has more than enough issues to deal with, worrying so selflessly about the future of our world, and entrusting it to our Blessed Mother. As I sat at my desk reading this honest essay I felt like crying. I realized how deep her faith was and how lovingly she entrusted all the problems of the world to Mary. The faith of children leads us forward.

My prayer this day is that I might imitate this child's love of Jesus and His mother, Mary, and give them all my difficulties, sorrows, joys, and achievements in the classroom. May I be a servant of each of the children I meet every day. Thank you, Lord!

Prayer and Charity

I have found myself saying many times these past few days what the word charity means. In school, in the convent, in the Internet world it has been all about charity, charity, and more charity. But what is charity. This is far from a scholarly blog but one that focuses on the heart of the matter. St. Alphonsus suggests a virtue of the month as a primary point of his spirituality. The virtue for February is usually hope and March is charity. So in anticipation of this month I would like to share my own thoughts.

On the first Sunday of each month our sisters have a retreat day with exposition of the Blessed Sacrament and silence through the convent. Each retreat day I try to make a plan of one concrete thing I can do to practice the virtue of the month. This month for charity I am thinking of a person and not an act. It seems to me that charity is not something we just do for the sake of doing it, or because somewhere in our hearts we know it is right - although both of those are good starting points. I'm thinking though that right now, for me, I need to focus on what being charitable says. I think it says that someone has dignity, that they are a gift from God to the world, and that they are loved not for their abilities or specialty, but above all because they are a good creation.

Wow, that sounds pretty good to me... but does it ring true when I apply that to the sister who is cranky and seems perpetually upset with me? YES, it just doesn't feel as mushy inside. What I mean to say is that feelings are important to me, to you, and to everyone, but feelings only aide in the understanding of the self which is a necessary step towards holiness. I feel annoyed and frustrated when this sister is uncharitable to me. That feeling calls me ever deeper to give myself in love to her. It is the way of the Cross in community.

So, my March resolution is to look at everyone - whether it be a sister, a student, or a faculty member - as a special creation of God, good and important to His plan in the world.

Is there someone who you feel this way about?

"Friends on earth find such pleasure in being together, that they lose entire days in each other’s company: with Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament, those who love Him not get weary. After her death, St. Teresa who was already in heaven, said to a nun: ‘Those who are in heaven and those who are on earth should be one and the same in purity and in love; we enjoying, and you suffering; and that which we do in heaven with the Divine Essence, you should do on earth with the Most Blessed Sacrament.’ Behold, then, our paradise on earth; – the Most Blessed Sacrament."

-St. Alphonsus

Community

I live in quite a large local/mission community of religious women. It is such a blessing. Today I was really thinking about the small beauty of everyday together and how grateful I am to God for the gift of my sisters. Sometimes it is hard to live with twenty other women but it also gives God's grace a chance to work in the mini-world of the convent.

In my community weekends are a little more relaxed - sisters who work as DRE's in the parish need to be at certain Masses, sisters who work with different language groups must be at their Masses, and those of us who are signed up as lectors, extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion, or cantors have to be at the Masses for which we have been scheduled. I went to the Saturday evening Mass because I was reading. This morning when I woke up, naturally (what a treat!), I went downstairs to get a cup of coffee and a little breakfast. When I walked into the kitchen there were sisters in various stages of getting ready for the day - some had already been out food shopping, some were about to leave for Mass, some were just getting home from Mass, and some were on their way to get some things done in school. The atmosphere was so beautiful though. There was a joy on each of our faces that showed that we were happy to be where we were doing whatever we were doing to serve God's people this day.

Someone was making bacon and eggs and another her specialty pancakes and as soon as I, the youngest of us all, walked in I was offered any of those possibilities and more in the charity of my sisters! I opted for toast and cereal, but I was so grateful for my sisters for their warmth and love.

When I was a brand new postulant my directress told me that the way we show our love for our sisters is through anticipating their needs and serving them. I have found this to be true of every sister I have met and every community in which I have lived.

I believe, after careful observation, that the way we anticipate and serve is where our holiness is. Each person is called to a different path of holiness, for example St. Therese and her little way, St. Francis de Sales and joy, St. Bernadette and suffering and healing, St. Maria Faustina and Divine Mercy... Some things that other sisters anticipate, I would never even think of! The same goes for me. We each have a unique way of showing our love through anticipating each others needs and serving one another.

They say humility is being honest about ourselves. In the spirit of humility I must say that I am a wonderful cleaner. I will clean anything and everything. There isn't a squeamish bone in my body. Today I had many opportunities to anticipate the needs of my sisters and serve by pitching in to clean! What I am absolutely hopeless at is cooking! I wouldn't know how to cook a piece of chicken if it flew in and gave me the directions! Thank God that there is a wonderful sister who has taken responsibility for the meals and preparing the food out of love for me. Otherwise, I would eat cereal for every meal!

When I checked my mail "cubby" this morning, there was a pretty flowered envelope with stickers in it for school. Whoever put it there didn't sign their name or leave a note but she anticipated a need of mine (the kids, no matter how old they are, LOVE stickers) and she provided out of her poverty, a special, encouraging gift for me. This small act left me feeling grateful and close to the love of God all day long. We can never underestimate the goodness of our actions and the way they will touch the heart of another.

Today was a lesson for me on the community of the entire world and how we can show one another the love of God through our anticipation of one anothers' needs and serve each other out of our own poverty. Thank you Jesus for this message of love.

“What a great favor God does to those He places in the company of good people!”
-St. Teresa of Avila

Jesus

"If we would completely rejoice the heart of God, let us strive in all things to conform ourselves to his divine will. Let us not only strive to conform ourselves, but also to unite ourselves to whatever dispositions God makes of us. Conformity signifies that we join our wills to the will of God. Conformity means more -- it means that we make one will of God’s will and ours, so that we will only what God wills; that God’s will alone, is our will. This is the summit of perfection and to it we should always aspire; this should be the goal of all our works, desires, meditations and prayers. To this end we should always invoke the aid of our holy patrons, our guardian angels, and above all, of our mother Mary, the most perfect of all the saints because she most perfectly embraced the divine will."

I don't know why this is coming to me today but I am just so surprised at God's great love for me. How can He possibly love me with this deep love? H ow can I possibly join my will to God's? It seems unbelievable and impossible to ever reach the perfection that allows us to make God's will our own. It does require heartache and self-sacrificing love. Lord, know that this servant is ready to give anything to do your will!

Today I spent most of my day in school. Yes, I know it is Saturday. It is always a nice day to spend in school. There is so much quiet and it is so nice to get my lessons planned and organize all of my things for the coming week. I can really concentrate on the ministry to which I have dedicated myself, the ministry to which God has called me, to educate children in Catholic Schools. I love them do much. I wish I could do so much more for them, but I know that I am doing God's will by teaching them in the best way that I can. I am so grateful to Him for allowing me to do something I love and to feel the love from each of His little ones who need me.

"Did you oversleep Sister?"

Yes, I guess that because you are in my doorway right now, five minutes after morning prayer started, and I am just drifting back into consciousness that I did in fact oversleep. That is how my day started today! I used to think before I entered the convent that days began so romantically in the silence being with the Beloved. That is true for me quite often. I am a morning person so I am naturally suited to live a life where getting up early is a daily occurrence. However, the going to bed late and waking up early sometimes is not as romantic as I thought it might be. I still drag myself out of bed and get dressed and quickly get to Chapel so that I can have my Holy Hour in the morning before the day begins and I am always happy once I am in the presence of the Lord.

After my hasty dressing, I made it to Mass with ten minutes to spare and I prayed my shorter Christian Prayer privately. The sisters in my community always say "You must have needed it, the community prayed for you today." It is true that I shared in the prayer of the community even though I was letting the Beloved speak to me even as I slumbered this morning. However, for my own peace, I tried to resume the same rhythm a normal day usually brings. I rarely ever oversleep but it always throws me off when I do. Once I got to school though things seemed to get back to normal.

When I got home from school I went to clean up the mess I had left my room in this morning. I made my bed and fixed the sink and checked if I needed to wash any of my habits or night clothes. At once I felt better for having put everything in order.

I started thinking about Lent as a time to stop waking up late and "just getting by" and to really clean up the clutter that begins to form in my soul. It is true that there is a lot of clutter that I have been just allowing to accumulate all this time. All year I have been saying, "I'll get to it when I have more time." I guess that is why the Lord has given us this season of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.

Some of the things I have seen in myself that have clouded my vision have been a focus on myself and my needs that leaves others out, the pain of broken family relationships, the resistance to change, the unwillingness to trust, and the difficulty of desolate prayer. I have put a lot of these things to the side for attention at some other time. The time is now. I know that Jesus is ready to help me clean up all of this clutter and put my life with Him back in order. It is time to get my priorities straight.

On top of that, I did get word about my assignment. It is a penance indeed and I will pray that I make an acceptable offering out of it, doing all for God's greater glory, with joy and simplicity.

This one seems appropriate for me today:

"Every morning to receive from the hands of Jesus Christ himself your own cross."
- St. Alphonsus

Obedient Suffering

Well, I had some really interesting happenings yesterday. The other day I blogged about not being sure of what the Lord desired for me to give up this Lent. I chose to give up snacking between meals – not to lose weight or eat healthier, but because that really is a sacrifice for me. I have a very high metabolism, haha, and am hungry quite often.

Anyway, yesterday I found out that there is a situation occurring that may cause me to be asked to help out in a different ministry because of a real need within my congregation. We are really stuck. As I prayed about it this morning I realized that whatever God’s will is in this matter, He is providing me with a very special sacrifice to make this Lenten season. If I am given permission to do this ministry, it will mean a lot of work, sacrifice, and hardship for me. The timing is bad and it is an unfortunate situation. If I am not given permission to do this ministry I will mourn the loss of the opportunity to really give of myself in a complete and trusting way to God’s people who are really in need right now. Either way, I know that what my superiors decide will be God’s will for me and I am at peace with whatever decision is made. The sacrifice of obedient suffering is being offered to me this Lenten season in a small way.

I pray that God will make me able to accept whatever His will is for me and to allow me to humbly serve Him wherever and whenever. Please join me in praying that God’s will be done.

"To look upon religious Superiors as the representatives of Jesus Christ... To obey without answering and without repugnance, and not to seek your own satisfaction in anything." Maxims for Attaining Perfection, St. Alphonsus