Summer - Part II

Okay - so other than the cleaning and fun times - there are other wonderful things about summer vacation.  Although I am starting to miss the kids I am still reveling in the freedom from lessons, meetings, papers, grades and discipline.  I am also enjoying the great fun of connecting with lovely sisters who I haven't seen all year, who are my friends, who are visiting from far away, who are working with my on summer assignments... the list goes on and on...

This week only myself and another sister are home and a sister from far away came to stay with us and it has been lovely having her here.  Next week I have workshops for school in the morning and then I'm helping a sister friend with her job in the afternoons.  I'm sure it will be lovely and renewing.  It is just so nice to have a break from the school schedule of things.  Next week I have to wake up early each day and I'm dreading it because I have so loved this week of "later days"... meaning Mass at 8... another wonderful summer attribute.

I'm just so happy to be spending time with the sisters telling stories, laughing, playing around, working together and just enjoying one another.  Community is difficult sometimes but it is also such a great gift... Thank you Lord for my sisters... even the most difficult of them.

Good Days

I've been really down the past few weeks.  I was nurturing some bad habits and some big time pride and it all caught up with me last weekend.  Basically, it was terrible.  I felt like a fool and God and I had a really big talk about how dumb I had been.  It wasn't like He was telling me with some big club held over my head - but I knew it in my heart with a very honest self-knowledge - the kind I rarely feel.  It's like I know how wonderfully made I am and how far I have fallen or cheapened God's gift to me.  I know His mercy is there right away - it certainly isn't a despairing moment - just one of truth.  There are no excuses, no questions... just an almost emotionless desire to end the habit or thought because of God.  I'm glad this time He didn't give me feelings of extreme joy, or desire for Him.  He instead gave me the grace in the moment to see truth and decide my response to it.

So here I am, tentatively and reflectively attempting to renew and rebuild!  It feels good to do some of this "spring cleaning" of my life and soul.  Since the soul stuff went so well - I decided to spring clean in the house and my classroom today too!  To me, cleaning is one of the most relaxing things I could possibly do.  I just love to clean.  When I say clean - I mean ceiling to floor scrub - not dusting and putting things away.  I'm talking serious cleaning.  It was great!

Now I'm in crunch time for the end of the year and I feel renewed to pack up my classroom and get ready for some busy summer adventures.  I'll keep updating!

Thanksgiving

Today I am giving thanks for the gift of community.  On Tuesday the kids asked me where I would be going to Thanksgiving.  While my convent is going to the convent down the street for our Thanksgiving dinner, I told the kids that the sisters celebrate all holidays together before doing any personal visiting of family and friends for the holidays.  My kids were upset and asked why we couldn't go home for the holidays.  I told them that some sisters don't have anywhere to go and we would never leave a sister alone.

They don't know this, but I am one of those sisters who doesn't have anywhere to go for the holidays.  I think a lot of people still take for granted that sisters come from wonderful Catholic families full of love and joy.  While I guess that seems to be true for the majority, for me it isn't.  It makes the holidays very difficult at times.  If we didn't celebrate together, I would be alone.  My parents are divorced and I don't have a family home to stay in.  I depend on community for companionship and that truly Christ-centered family love.

Our visit to the convent down the street for Thanksgiving was so lovely.  When we arrived the sisters stopped what they were doing to talk and chat in the community room until dinner was ready.  All was being kept warm in the oven when we went together to Chapel for prayers.  We got together to "swell the crowd" and we certainly were stuffed in together in Chapel.  It was such a nice way to share faith and community.  There was a beautiful prayer waiting at our spots in the dining room which we said together.  Then the feast began!  Laughter, tears, stories, fun, and joy flavored every minute of our delicious meal with one another.

It was also a gift to be with sisters I know well and sisters I've never met before and still feel welcomed and at home.  After all, our hearts and minds are one and no matter what we belong together to walk this journey to the Lord.  I can't help but think that our little gathering was a small beginning to "Preparing the way for the Lord." as we enter into Advent.  Where two or more are gathered in His name, He is there and tonight was a wonderful example to me of that true Presence.

So thank You God for my vocation, my community, my friends, my sisters, my consecration, my vows, and the love you have put into my heart.  Amen.

Charity

How do you live the Gospel with seventh graders?  Well... I have no idea but here I am learning anew each day. First I want to say that I love my kids with all my heart.  I am so grateful to God for each and every one of them.  I'm grateful for the quiet ones, the loud ones, the obnoxious ones, the intelligent ones, the struggling ones... and the ones that drive me insane.

Needless to say.... when you have all those special "ones" in your life, you are in for a surprise around every corner!  I can't believe sometimes how much of my life I spend as a relationship counselor.  Yes, I am a science teacher but the back of my classroom doubles as a romance advice booth.  I don't know what it is about me but something says, tell me your boy and girl troubles!

It is really humbling for me to have my boys and girls confide in me and ask me for advice and acceptance as they try to navigate these difficult years.  Recently there has been an influx of these problems.  It continues to amaze me that they come in and want to talk to me about boyfriends, girlfriends, parent problems, and a whole host of other issues.  One such incident really touched me recently.  One of my boys, who is quite a ladies man, came to talk to me yesterday.  You would think that a seventh grade boy wouldn't want love advice from his nun science teacher but... think again.  The touching thing about it is that as I watch them grow I see all the characteristics of responsible, loving, and holy men and women.  They want to do the right thing, but they don't know what it is.  The boys want to be gentlemen.  The girls want to be beautiful but not in the way the world tells them they should be.

What I have realized is that I'm in a unique position as a religious woman to guide them.  They really see me as their sister and because of that they feel able to interact with me in a way that is different than their parents, other teachers, and other students.  Practically speaking, the boys carry things for me whenever they can, run errands for me, ask me to come to their sports events, and open doors like it's their job.  They actually notice when I get my hair cut out the front of my veil (I know... I can't believe it either).  They feel like they can because I'm their sister.  It's the same reason they feel like they can tell me all their girl, family, relationship, and sports problems.

The girls see how they treat me and they realize that they should always be treated with the same respect and with charity.  They come to me and ask me millions of questions about all the same things because they know I'll hold all their tough tween stuff in my heart.  And they are right... I do!

I'm always tempted (without ever giving in) to pray out loud during lauds and vespers at our intercessions, "for Gina's broken heart," or  "for Tommy's mom and dad," or "for Brandon's breakup."  Instead, I hold them in my heart like God intended me to do and I offer my acts of charity and counseling for them.

Basically... it is tough being in seventh grade.  I love them though... my little brothers and sisters, and I'll do anything to help them and guide them to be their best, holiest, truest selves.  God help me... it certainly gets confusing!

Please pray for all our kids!  

Daily Vow Renewal

I wrote the other day about renewing my vows each day in my heart at Mass.  Usually I do this after I receive Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.  Someone asked what words we use to renew our vows.  The renewal formula is a shortened version of what we say at first and final profession but it still holds all the meaning of the longer formula.  Here are the words:

Almighty and Eternal God, I, Sister M. ____________, 

renew and confirm with all my heart

 the vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience 

which I made at my profession; 

and I implore your grace to accomplish them perfectly.  

Amen.

Sometimes I forget how touching these words are after saying them each day, however, there is a great and mighty grace and responsibility that comes with those words.  I  renew and confirm with all my heart that I have given my whole self to Him who is the One, the Beginning and the End, the Savior of the World, the Most Powerful, the Creator of the Universe.  And here I am, sinful, small, nothing, and I make a promise, a sacred bond with Him.  My desire to give of myself still isn't enough though.  To fulfill that desire, which He placed in my heart, I need His help.  It really is strange when you think about it, that you want to accomplish this for God but you need His help to accomplish it... for Him!  It's like asking someone to buy their own birthday present and then write "from me" on the card.  

I think it must be very much like the life of the Trinity, the constant flow of love and grace from one to another without end.  You can't even trace it because that grace and love becomes so much a part of each person that there is no beginning or end to it's movement and power.  God is so good to give this gift of vocation.  The vows are such an amazing grace.  Some days I wonder, "who thought I could do this?!, How could I have ever been permitted to take on this responsibility?"  And the truth is that I cannot do it!  Only God can.  Young women tell me all the time that they "could never do that!"  And I always say, you are absolutely right, you can't, but He can if you respond to His call of love.

God, grant us more vocations to love you and witness to your plan of Salvation!  Amen. 

Dinner Out

I have mentioned before how nice it is in the summer to have a little extra unstructured time to have fun and be spontaneous.  Well, today I was working diligently on my lesson plans for the new school year when I received a call asking if I was able to go out to dinner with a priest friend.  I said yes, of course, and tried to get as much work done as I could before he came to pick myself and another sister up for dinner.  

I have heard some sisters from other communities say before that they would never be allowed to just go out to dinner... some even have it in their rule.  Not that it's a bad thing to have in your Rule, but it is part of my community's history to be hospitable in this way.  While I was in the novitiate a sister taught us Community History and one large part of that was that when our sisters were missioned to a foreign country they always made sure to be available when priests came, especially priests from their home countries, so that they had someone to talk to in their native language, to enjoy a meal with, and to pray with when they arrived.  It is so lonely to be in another country without a community and so the sisters were encouraged to always be available, even in the middle of the night to rise and make preparations to welcome one of their fathers.

Well, I was delighted with a visit from this very holy and fatherly priest.  So often in our world today priests live alone without much support.  Maybe we could all take the time to pray in gratitude for these holy men who have touched our lives, nourished our souls, and given us the grace to respond to God.  Maybe we could also pray for those men who have felt abandoned, broken, or alone and have left God's service, that they might know God's abundant love and goodness and, if able, return to His service once again.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of your holy priests!  Send us more!  Amen!

Visitors...

Well, yesterday on the feast of St. Alphonsus, all the sisters gathered at the Motherhouse for our annual Convocation.  It is a wonderfully beautiful day where we gather to pray together, share with one another, and be renewed by the words of our General Superior.  Watching my sisters gathered together to celebrate our grace-filled heritage filled my eyes with tears.  However, the most touching moment for me was when we sang St. Alphonsus' O God of Loveliness.  Being daughters of Alphonsus, the words were very touching for us and I was not the only one with a few tears in my eyes.  Here are the words:

O God of loveliness, O Lord of Heaven above,

How worthy to possess my heart’s devoted love.

So sweet Thy countenance, so gracious to behold

That one, one only glance to me were bliss untold.

Thou art blest Three in One, yet undivided still,

Thou art the One alone, whose love my heart can fill.

The heav’ns and earth below were fashioned by Thy Word,

How amiable art Thou, my ever dearest Lord.

To think Thou art my God—O thought forever blest!

My heart has overflowed with joy within my breast.

My soul so full of bliss, is plunged as in a sea,

Deep in the sweet abyss of holy charity.

O Loveliness supreme, and Beauty infinite,

O ever flowing Stream and Ocean of delight,

O Life by which I live, my truest Life above,

To Thee alone I give my undivided love.

After our guests left the Motherhouse and we collapsed after a joy-filled day, everyone wandered back to their rooms to rest.  I awoke to the news of another guest - this one not so pleasant.  I went to get some coffee this morning and there was a note on the white board which is usually reserved for schedule changes.  It said, "BAT ALERT."  

Well... after a busy day of sisters roaming in and out and all over the Motherhouse a bat decided to pay us a visit.  So needless to say, he scared many a sister and is still stalking around here somewhere.  It is a good thing we have some expert bat catchers.  It is a frequent occurrence in the summer for us to find some of these dear creatures making themselves at home in the high ceilings and stone cellars of our beautiful Motherhouse.  Naturally some sisters scream and run when they see them, while others have honed their skills and have become our very own bat catchers.  They have their own nets and systems to find and capture our guests to release them back into the wild.  Hopefully we find this little guy soon and return him to where he belongs.     

Missioned

This week I moved some of my things into my new convent home.  It was an adventure as always.  I've been cleaning out and packing since I received my obedience and finally I had most of my stuff sorted and packed.  It was nerve racking making sure I remembered everything.  I was nervous too to meet some of the sisters with whom I'll live.  However, when I arrived at the convent all the sisters helped me bring my things in.  They were so hospitable and warm.  We went first to visit Jesus in our chapel and then I got the whole tour of the convent.  I stayed for evening prayer and dinner as well.  It was so nice to be welcomed in that way and I can't wait to begin a new assignment in that convent home.  For now though there is more to be done and retreat to happen.

Apostolate: Disappointment and Enthusiasm

It is amazing how quickly a group of middle school students can go from angelic to... well, not so angelic. One of the most interesting things for me as a young Sister is trying to find the right balance in my interaction with the youth. Many of the urban schools our sisters staff have students with parent(s) in jail, drug and alcohol problems in the home, and no supervision outside of school. Of course, this makes math, reading, and writing seem like wastes of time.

But, my job is to teach math, reading, writing, and religion. What do we mean by religion? Certainly it is the truth as taught by the Magisterium of the Catholic Church without deviation! But it is also the spirit of Jesus in compassion, forgiveness, love, joy, comfort, security, trust, and mercy. So, what is the job of a religious woman in a school teaching religion? I would say it is a tall order because it entails showing Jesus in a concrete way to every student we meet. How do we keep order and discipline while showing compassion and love? It is difficult but well worth it.

Yesterday one of my students handed in a beautiful essay about why prejudice still exists in our world. I don't remember her exact words but she said something like, "We are all called to be like our Blessed Mother - loving, kind, compassionate, and always looking out for one another." Here is a city-kid, who has more than enough issues to deal with, worrying so selflessly about the future of our world, and entrusting it to our Blessed Mother. As I sat at my desk reading this honest essay I felt like crying. I realized how deep her faith was and how lovingly she entrusted all the problems of the world to Mary. The faith of children leads us forward.

My prayer this day is that I might imitate this child's love of Jesus and His mother, Mary, and give them all my difficulties, sorrows, joys, and achievements in the classroom. May I be a servant of each of the children I meet every day. Thank you, Lord!

Community

I live in quite a large local/mission community of religious women. It is such a blessing. Today I was really thinking about the small beauty of everyday together and how grateful I am to God for the gift of my sisters. Sometimes it is hard to live with twenty other women but it also gives God's grace a chance to work in the mini-world of the convent.

In my community weekends are a little more relaxed - sisters who work as DRE's in the parish need to be at certain Masses, sisters who work with different language groups must be at their Masses, and those of us who are signed up as lectors, extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion, or cantors have to be at the Masses for which we have been scheduled. I went to the Saturday evening Mass because I was reading. This morning when I woke up, naturally (what a treat!), I went downstairs to get a cup of coffee and a little breakfast. When I walked into the kitchen there were sisters in various stages of getting ready for the day - some had already been out food shopping, some were about to leave for Mass, some were just getting home from Mass, and some were on their way to get some things done in school. The atmosphere was so beautiful though. There was a joy on each of our faces that showed that we were happy to be where we were doing whatever we were doing to serve God's people this day.

Someone was making bacon and eggs and another her specialty pancakes and as soon as I, the youngest of us all, walked in I was offered any of those possibilities and more in the charity of my sisters! I opted for toast and cereal, but I was so grateful for my sisters for their warmth and love.

When I was a brand new postulant my directress told me that the way we show our love for our sisters is through anticipating their needs and serving them. I have found this to be true of every sister I have met and every community in which I have lived.

I believe, after careful observation, that the way we anticipate and serve is where our holiness is. Each person is called to a different path of holiness, for example St. Therese and her little way, St. Francis de Sales and joy, St. Bernadette and suffering and healing, St. Maria Faustina and Divine Mercy... Some things that other sisters anticipate, I would never even think of! The same goes for me. We each have a unique way of showing our love through anticipating each others needs and serving one another.

They say humility is being honest about ourselves. In the spirit of humility I must say that I am a wonderful cleaner. I will clean anything and everything. There isn't a squeamish bone in my body. Today I had many opportunities to anticipate the needs of my sisters and serve by pitching in to clean! What I am absolutely hopeless at is cooking! I wouldn't know how to cook a piece of chicken if it flew in and gave me the directions! Thank God that there is a wonderful sister who has taken responsibility for the meals and preparing the food out of love for me. Otherwise, I would eat cereal for every meal!

When I checked my mail "cubby" this morning, there was a pretty flowered envelope with stickers in it for school. Whoever put it there didn't sign their name or leave a note but she anticipated a need of mine (the kids, no matter how old they are, LOVE stickers) and she provided out of her poverty, a special, encouraging gift for me. This small act left me feeling grateful and close to the love of God all day long. We can never underestimate the goodness of our actions and the way they will touch the heart of another.

Today was a lesson for me on the community of the entire world and how we can show one another the love of God through our anticipation of one anothers' needs and serve each other out of our own poverty. Thank you Jesus for this message of love.

“What a great favor God does to those He places in the company of good people!”
-St. Teresa of Avila