I've tried to write like ten times on the topic of summer - but it is just so wonderful I haven't been able to put it into words. The feeling of my aching muscles after a day of manual labor, the late night chats with the sisters, the leisurely meals, quiet times of prayer, and laughter throughout the day... it's just great. In these first three days without lesson plans, tests, copiers, paperwork, school books, papers, grades, and students I have enjoyed myself immensely.
All year I've been formulating plans for what I would do once this wonderful, free summertime came. I have quite a few projects keeping me busy in the house... in fact, I've been cleaning since Monday.
The convent I'm living in now was "abandoned" so to speak for quite some time and there are a lot of places with hidden problems and tons of dust. The other problem is that this convent was built for 20 plus sisters... currently it houses 5. Of the five, only 2 are able to really keep up with the necessary work to keep the house in good working order. You can imagine how much there is to do in an enormous convent like this for the youngest sister. But I am happy to do it - and it is good for me to do something more physical than mental for a change of pace. It is liberating to wipe all that dust away, move furniture, reassign towels and sheets to their rightful homes... it feels like a new beginning. Plus - someone else cooks so I can work!
I feel so happy about how well this year has gone and yet there are things I've let go a little too long that I need to take care of in my personal life. I must clean out that stuff too while I'm doing it for real in the house. Tomorrow I'm going to take a very big step in cleaning out and sorting through some of my personal "stuff" on the inside and I ask your prayers for this meeting. It will be difficult but I know good will come from it and that peace will follow whatever transpires.
Showing posts with label convent life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label convent life. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Good Days
I've been really down the past few weeks. I was nurturing some bad habits and some big time pride and it all caught up with me last weekend. Basically, it was terrible. I felt like a fool and God and I had a really big talk about how dumb I had been. It wasn't like He was telling me with some big club held over my head - but I knew it in my heart with a very honest self-knowledge - the kind I rarely feel. It's like I know how wonderfully made I am and how far I have fallen or cheapened God's gift to me. I know His mercy is there right away - it certainly isn't a despairing moment - just one of truth. There are no excuses, no questions... just an almost emotionless desire to end the habit or thought because of God. I'm glad this time He didn't give me feelings of extreme joy, or desire for Him. He instead gave me the grace in the moment to see truth and decide my response to it.
So here I am, tentatively and reflectively attempting to renew and rebuild! It feels good to do some of this "spring cleaning" of my life and soul. Since the soul stuff went so well - I decided to spring clean in the house and my classroom today too! To me, cleaning is one of the most relaxing things I could possibly do. I just love to clean. When I say clean - I mean ceiling to floor scrub - not dusting and putting things away. I'm talking serious cleaning. It was great!
Now I'm in crunch time for the end of the year and I feel renewed to pack up my classroom and get ready for some busy summer adventures. I'll keep updating!
So here I am, tentatively and reflectively attempting to renew and rebuild! It feels good to do some of this "spring cleaning" of my life and soul. Since the soul stuff went so well - I decided to spring clean in the house and my classroom today too! To me, cleaning is one of the most relaxing things I could possibly do. I just love to clean. When I say clean - I mean ceiling to floor scrub - not dusting and putting things away. I'm talking serious cleaning. It was great!
Now I'm in crunch time for the end of the year and I feel renewed to pack up my classroom and get ready for some busy summer adventures. I'll keep updating!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Update!
Well, it has been a crazy March! I haven't had a minute to myself in weeks. Finally, this Saturday I could take a little holy relaxation! That is probably why I am up so late because I just don't want this free time to end! So, anyway, I think a post is in order. Between school, community, and prayer there has been nothing but sleep in the middle! However, I really feel very called right now to sacrifice and suffering as the future of religious life and I am happy to suffer and sacrifice because of fatigue, generosity, and zeal.
My community has been talking a lot about the future lately and I feel compelled to share some of my insights. First, I am really blessed to live in a community where I feel I can share my own feelings and thoughts without judgement and while knowing that although not everyone agrees with me we all respect one another. There really is a spirit of fraternal charity and the work of grace in our everyday conversations with one another. At the same time, I think we are at a point where we have to be challenged and challenge one another to be the religious women we are called to be. A sister recently told me, "Your religious life is your ONLY religious life." You only get one and you are the only one who gets to live that particular life. It was so amazing to hear someone verbalize that calling in such a profound way. I don't know what is ahead for me but God has given me this religious life at this time for a particular reason - and the same is true for everyone else.
That very simple thought makes me feel extremely personally responsible for the future of religious life in my congregation. What am I doing that furthers God's mission in the world? How am I building up the Kingdom of God? How am I witnessing to the relationship I have with Jesus to everyone I meet? Am I really living the religious life I desire and God desires for me?
Now I will be busy all April answering these questions. Holy Spirit - enlighten me!
My community has been talking a lot about the future lately and I feel compelled to share some of my insights. First, I am really blessed to live in a community where I feel I can share my own feelings and thoughts without judgement and while knowing that although not everyone agrees with me we all respect one another. There really is a spirit of fraternal charity and the work of grace in our everyday conversations with one another. At the same time, I think we are at a point where we have to be challenged and challenge one another to be the religious women we are called to be. A sister recently told me, "Your religious life is your ONLY religious life." You only get one and you are the only one who gets to live that particular life. It was so amazing to hear someone verbalize that calling in such a profound way. I don't know what is ahead for me but God has given me this religious life at this time for a particular reason - and the same is true for everyone else.
That very simple thought makes me feel extremely personally responsible for the future of religious life in my congregation. What am I doing that furthers God's mission in the world? How am I building up the Kingdom of God? How am I witnessing to the relationship I have with Jesus to everyone I meet? Am I really living the religious life I desire and God desires for me?
Now I will be busy all April answering these questions. Holy Spirit - enlighten me!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Lesson Planning
Any teachers can appreciate the much used acronym, "SWBAT." For those who are not teachers or who don't use this acronym all the time... it stands for, "Students will be able to..." When I write my lessons for each unit I write a list of things that my students will be able to do by the end of the unit or lesson. After the "to" I always begin my objective with a dynamic verb from Bloom's Taxonomy. I know all of this sounds ridiculous (unless your a teacher) but it has some really practical applications that I hadn't thought of until this evening when I was talking to another sister about our religious life.
What if I changed "Student" to "Sister"? What should sister be able to do? Well, looking at the verbs from Bloom's Taxonomy I have a few ideas.
Sister will be able to...
What if I changed "Student" to "Sister"? What should sister be able to do? Well, looking at the verbs from Bloom's Taxonomy I have a few ideas.
Sister will be able to...
- identify God's presence in the people she serves and the sisters with whom she lives.
- explain in word and in action God's salvific work.
- be an example of the intimate relationship between God and each soul.
- demonstrate charity and mercy working with justice and morality by showing compassion while still challenging God's people.
- prepare for the coming of God's Kingdom.
- differentiate between right and wrong and help others to do the same.
- relate to her sisters as "one in mind and heart."
- reconstruct the world around her to be in line with the values of the Kingdom of God.
- justify her belief in her Spouse through prayer and knowledge, with the gift of faith, for all people.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
March
Well, as far as my life is concerned, March is already a wash. No free weekends, free days, time at all - just lots of new and exciting, exhausting and overwhelming, work and fun. It looks like the storm before the calm is here. Summer is coming but these next few months are going to be wild.
On Saturday I went to a funeral and then straight to the Motherhouse for a community meeting. After the community meeting, feeling quite overwhelmed by what I needed to get done, my young nun friends and I went out for a little pizza and a lot of chat. It was great to be together and just talk about what is going on in our schools and houses. Although we are all inundated with tons of work it was great to take a little time to enjoy one another's company.
It's amazing how much a good friend does for the spiritual life. I came back to my local house feeling refreshed and rededicated to doing my best to live religious life to the fullest. It doesn't always feel like roses and rainbows. It requires a lot of sacrifice and we all get rundown and unenthusiastic at times. Spiritual friendships form the foundation to continue forward in charity and forgiveness to be better than before. My friends helped me remember whose I am and who I am.
On Saturday I went to a funeral and then straight to the Motherhouse for a community meeting. After the community meeting, feeling quite overwhelmed by what I needed to get done, my young nun friends and I went out for a little pizza and a lot of chat. It was great to be together and just talk about what is going on in our schools and houses. Although we are all inundated with tons of work it was great to take a little time to enjoy one another's company.
It's amazing how much a good friend does for the spiritual life. I came back to my local house feeling refreshed and rededicated to doing my best to live religious life to the fullest. It doesn't always feel like roses and rainbows. It requires a lot of sacrifice and we all get rundown and unenthusiastic at times. Spiritual friendships form the foundation to continue forward in charity and forgiveness to be better than before. My friends helped me remember whose I am and who I am.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Philadelphia
I haven't really identified too often where I live and I usually don't talk about particular situations but I feel like I'm ready to say what I've been thinking and praying about these past two weeks.
When I was in high school I converted to the Catholic Church. My parents thought I was brainwashed by a priest. I really didn't care. I had finally found someone who really cared about my soul and I was grateful to God for that. I was in college, before I was a sister, when the first sex abuse scandal broke in Philadelphia. I remember being in Spanish class and having my teacher bring it up. He was so insulting to the Church, in a Catholic college. I walked out and reported him. He told me he would fail me. I really didn't care. I knew it was an unfortunate and sinful thing that had happened but was being fixed.
However, I have to be honest when I say that I thought this was all behind us. If you don't know... there is another grand jury report on the sexual abuse of minors in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. That's what I'm talking about.
Now as this next round begins; I'm a middle school teacher in the city. Sisters and friends keep asking me, "Did you read what the Cardinal said?" "Did you see the news story on...?" "Has anyone at your house said...?". My students eloquently ask, "What happened with those perverts?" Now, I am normally the one who has read/seen/heard all the news on everything. Most of my nun friends count on me to have the answers because I like to read and ponder and explore issues. However, my answer these days has been "no" or "I don't know."
My "no" isn't because I want to pretend it isn't happening. (Please, I work with 12-15 year olds... I don't get the luxury of pretending anything-they are like lie detector tests.) My "no" is because I can't see that in my life right now my keeping up with this news is going to be the most fruitful or grace filled way for me to be present to the Church here. My response has to be solution-oriented. That is why it makes me so angry to see people protesting outside the Cathedral, spreading gossip and hearsay, and giving radio interviews about the whole situation. None of those are solutions to the problem that is at hand. They are simply talk and distraction from what God is really asking of us.
I'm sure that there are many people who would disagree that my approach is geared to a solution but I feel it truly is. I am offering my sacrifices and my prayers for the Church in Philadelphia and I am trying to educate the future leaders of the Church here. That is all that I can do. I can see in the eyes of my students God's grace calling them forth to radical sacrifice and trust in His promise through these events which will shape their understanding of Church and holiness forever. I can only rely on my own experience, that God brings forth great grace in times of great sin. I have to believe that he will use even this terrible experience for the building up of the Kingdom.
Then I look again at my kids... how do they make sense of this stuff? We did talk about it in really general terms but the saddest thing is that they aren't even shocked. They hear about this stuff all the time anyway. Maybe it is better they don't get upset by it. I don't really know. I just know I'm trying to encourage them to live knowing that they are preparing for a future where they will be responsible for the unfortunate situation we are in now. That's why I'm so proud of them. They are living up to it though. They are my hope.
I know it affects everyone in a different and daily way. For me, I go to chapel in the early morning hours in the convent and I pray for our Church. In my convent, the sister in charge of chapel put sign and candle in front of the altar saying that we are praying for our priests. In my apostolate, I am trying to foster the spirit of loving sacrifice, perseverance, and selfless giving. These seem to be exactly what we need... at least in my mind and heart.... during this time of sadness and pain.
I hope that God will accept my gift of self and the gifts that I know my students are offering for the Church in Philadelphia. We have been blessed with saintly leaders like St. John Neumann and St. Katharine Drexel and I really believe God will give the grace to raise up more holy men and women to work hard - to give their lives - for the Church here. I think my students find that exciting (except the whole body in a glass box thing - that kinda creeps them out :) ).
Jesus, please help us. We have nothing if we don't have You. Please enter the hearts of Your children and inspire in them radical faith, love, and hope to follow You unreservedly, knowing that You alone will fulfill their every desire. Change our hearts Lord!
When I was in high school I converted to the Catholic Church. My parents thought I was brainwashed by a priest. I really didn't care. I had finally found someone who really cared about my soul and I was grateful to God for that. I was in college, before I was a sister, when the first sex abuse scandal broke in Philadelphia. I remember being in Spanish class and having my teacher bring it up. He was so insulting to the Church, in a Catholic college. I walked out and reported him. He told me he would fail me. I really didn't care. I knew it was an unfortunate and sinful thing that had happened but was being fixed.
However, I have to be honest when I say that I thought this was all behind us. If you don't know... there is another grand jury report on the sexual abuse of minors in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. That's what I'm talking about.
Now as this next round begins; I'm a middle school teacher in the city. Sisters and friends keep asking me, "Did you read what the Cardinal said?" "Did you see the news story on...?" "Has anyone at your house said...?". My students eloquently ask, "What happened with those perverts?" Now, I am normally the one who has read/seen/heard all the news on everything. Most of my nun friends count on me to have the answers because I like to read and ponder and explore issues. However, my answer these days has been "no" or "I don't know."
My "no" isn't because I want to pretend it isn't happening. (Please, I work with 12-15 year olds... I don't get the luxury of pretending anything-they are like lie detector tests.) My "no" is because I can't see that in my life right now my keeping up with this news is going to be the most fruitful or grace filled way for me to be present to the Church here. My response has to be solution-oriented. That is why it makes me so angry to see people protesting outside the Cathedral, spreading gossip and hearsay, and giving radio interviews about the whole situation. None of those are solutions to the problem that is at hand. They are simply talk and distraction from what God is really asking of us.
I'm sure that there are many people who would disagree that my approach is geared to a solution but I feel it truly is. I am offering my sacrifices and my prayers for the Church in Philadelphia and I am trying to educate the future leaders of the Church here. That is all that I can do. I can see in the eyes of my students God's grace calling them forth to radical sacrifice and trust in His promise through these events which will shape their understanding of Church and holiness forever. I can only rely on my own experience, that God brings forth great grace in times of great sin. I have to believe that he will use even this terrible experience for the building up of the Kingdom.
Then I look again at my kids... how do they make sense of this stuff? We did talk about it in really general terms but the saddest thing is that they aren't even shocked. They hear about this stuff all the time anyway. Maybe it is better they don't get upset by it. I don't really know. I just know I'm trying to encourage them to live knowing that they are preparing for a future where they will be responsible for the unfortunate situation we are in now. That's why I'm so proud of them. They are living up to it though. They are my hope.
I know it affects everyone in a different and daily way. For me, I go to chapel in the early morning hours in the convent and I pray for our Church. In my convent, the sister in charge of chapel put sign and candle in front of the altar saying that we are praying for our priests. In my apostolate, I am trying to foster the spirit of loving sacrifice, perseverance, and selfless giving. These seem to be exactly what we need... at least in my mind and heart.... during this time of sadness and pain.
I hope that God will accept my gift of self and the gifts that I know my students are offering for the Church in Philadelphia. We have been blessed with saintly leaders like St. John Neumann and St. Katharine Drexel and I really believe God will give the grace to raise up more holy men and women to work hard - to give their lives - for the Church here. I think my students find that exciting (except the whole body in a glass box thing - that kinda creeps them out :) ).
Jesus, please help us. We have nothing if we don't have You. Please enter the hearts of Your children and inspire in them radical faith, love, and hope to follow You unreservedly, knowing that You alone will fulfill their every desire. Change our hearts Lord!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My Nuns Rock!
My local convent community is basically awesome. This is my first year here and these sisters amaze me with their generosity and hospitality ALL the time. Whatever shortcomings we all have... together... we are a really great group. I'm so grateful to God for putting me in this community with these particular sisters.
This weekend I realized all over again how awesome they really are. I asked to invite a large group of young sisters to stay at our house overnight so that we could recreate and be together. They said yes and were thrilled to have the youngin's invade the house. We live in a rather large house for the number of sisters here so there is a lot of room. As part of our community spirit of hospitality I got all the sisters rooms ready for them before they came; beds turned down, towels out, extra blanket ready, homemade welcome sign, and a little Valentine gift on their beds. I had a lot of fun, haha. I love to entertain.
After everyone arrived safe and sound, well almost sound... this was Catholic Horrors...ummm... I mean Catholic Schools Week, we found out that one of the sisters had a little gift for us too. Her superior gave us a little donation to get a bite out to eat. We went for some wonderful food and talked, talked, and talked some more... about convent life, prayer, community, school, students, friends, family... and anything else we could think of. When we got back, we joined the nuns in the community room and chatted for a while again.
When the majority of the group had fallen asleep in their chairs we got everyone up to bed amidst a lot of giggling and smiles. It was just great to be together. We slept in and went to a late Mass... after which we continued talking and just enjoying one another's company.
Bottom line is... other nuns might be annoyed by a bunch of giggly, loud, and goofy young nuns hanging around but mine are awesome (obviously we aren't disrespectful but it is nice to let loose with one another). They were just happy to share our convent home with other sisters and enjoy one another's company. It was great.
So now I am feeling quite happy and energetic about everything. I love this feeling... it is definitely God's way of telling me to keep going and enjoy the exciting ride of religious life. He is so present in that hospitality and goodness of the sisters with whom I live and I love to see Him there all the time!
This weekend I realized all over again how awesome they really are. I asked to invite a large group of young sisters to stay at our house overnight so that we could recreate and be together. They said yes and were thrilled to have the youngin's invade the house. We live in a rather large house for the number of sisters here so there is a lot of room. As part of our community spirit of hospitality I got all the sisters rooms ready for them before they came; beds turned down, towels out, extra blanket ready, homemade welcome sign, and a little Valentine gift on their beds. I had a lot of fun, haha. I love to entertain.
After everyone arrived safe and sound, well almost sound... this was Catholic Horrors...ummm... I mean Catholic Schools Week, we found out that one of the sisters had a little gift for us too. Her superior gave us a little donation to get a bite out to eat. We went for some wonderful food and talked, talked, and talked some more... about convent life, prayer, community, school, students, friends, family... and anything else we could think of. When we got back, we joined the nuns in the community room and chatted for a while again.
When the majority of the group had fallen asleep in their chairs we got everyone up to bed amidst a lot of giggling and smiles. It was just great to be together. We slept in and went to a late Mass... after which we continued talking and just enjoying one another's company.
Bottom line is... other nuns might be annoyed by a bunch of giggly, loud, and goofy young nuns hanging around but mine are awesome (obviously we aren't disrespectful but it is nice to let loose with one another). They were just happy to share our convent home with other sisters and enjoy one another's company. It was great.
So now I am feeling quite happy and energetic about everything. I love this feeling... it is definitely God's way of telling me to keep going and enjoy the exciting ride of religious life. He is so present in that hospitality and goodness of the sisters with whom I live and I love to see Him there all the time!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Panic and Peace
Well... here is the update... I've lost it all. There is no retrieving any of my information on my broken flash drive. I have been spending quite a bit of time trying to make up for so much lost work so I haven't been writing too much.
I bet many of my kids had a little breakdown before they had to come back to school after a whole week off. I mean, it's daunting to have time to be free and then know how much work is ahead of you. I had the same experience right before school started back up again this week! While I stayed pretty calm for a few days after the flash drive incident when I went to school to get prepared to teach this past week I was very very upset.
When I told the kids what happened their first question was, "Did you cry, Sister?" The answer is YES. It was so overwhelming to lose so much work. I didn't even know where to begin again. I had everything planned for the year. What I realized though was that God was shaking me up a little bit. Everything has been going to well for me but it has been due to my reliance on myself and not on Him. I don't think HE broke my flash drive, haha, but He did use it for His own purposes.
I really think that feeling uncomfortable is a sign for me of God working in my life. Anytime I get too comfortable with myself, my apostolate, my prayer, my community; I see God throw some loops into my perfect world so that I can practice trusting Him and allowing Him to be in control of my life. I have a really hard time doing that. Discomfort lets me know that I'm on the right path. That discomfort forces me to be more intentional in the way I live religious life and the way I serve God's people. It's a great tool for me to grow.
So, while my lost flash drive is a huge setback in my schoolwork, it is a forward movement in relationship with God. I'm trying to remind myself of that as I work through the weekend. Thank God it snowed and I wouldn't have been able to go out anyway!
I bet many of my kids had a little breakdown before they had to come back to school after a whole week off. I mean, it's daunting to have time to be free and then know how much work is ahead of you. I had the same experience right before school started back up again this week! While I stayed pretty calm for a few days after the flash drive incident when I went to school to get prepared to teach this past week I was very very upset.
When I told the kids what happened their first question was, "Did you cry, Sister?" The answer is YES. It was so overwhelming to lose so much work. I didn't even know where to begin again. I had everything planned for the year. What I realized though was that God was shaking me up a little bit. Everything has been going to well for me but it has been due to my reliance on myself and not on Him. I don't think HE broke my flash drive, haha, but He did use it for His own purposes.
I really think that feeling uncomfortable is a sign for me of God working in my life. Anytime I get too comfortable with myself, my apostolate, my prayer, my community; I see God throw some loops into my perfect world so that I can practice trusting Him and allowing Him to be in control of my life. I have a really hard time doing that. Discomfort lets me know that I'm on the right path. That discomfort forces me to be more intentional in the way I live religious life and the way I serve God's people. It's a great tool for me to grow.
So, while my lost flash drive is a huge setback in my schoolwork, it is a forward movement in relationship with God. I'm trying to remind myself of that as I work through the weekend. Thank God it snowed and I wouldn't have been able to go out anyway!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Out and About
This is one of the best weeks to be a teacher... because you're off all week. Our sisters usually use this week to visit other convents, their family, and friends. It is nice to have some less structured time to be able to nurture the relationships that God gives us.
I went to visit a sister who I am good friends with last night and I stayed over at her convent. We had a wonderful time catching up on everything going on at the convents, talking about community stuff, and taking notes on school things (we both teach the same age group... which means good ideas from one another!) It was so life-giving to spend some time with someone who really is a friend in the spiritual sense. You can't share with everyone your struggles, imperfections, successes and heartaches.
I'm thrilled to see the world picking up on growth in religious life for many communities, especially in the recent spotlight on the Nashville Dominicans. I would hate for anyone to think I'm being petty, but it isn't the same for all communities who are really faithful. My community has always been faithful to Church teaching and we just aren't growing in the same way they are so I have a different experience of community life than some of those sisters do, which is good, not a bad thing! I'd just like to give voice to my own experience.
I was realizing the other day that I really have no day to day contact with peers. The sisters with whom I live are all older and I teach middle school students. I love community and I love school but there are times when I miss very much the interaction I have with people of my own age. The sisters with whom I live are very intentional in allowing me to be young... in fact I think it entertains them to entertain me but they sometimes can't relate to everything going on in my life.
That's why it is so great for me to have a religious who is a friend. We have the same generational experiences and so she helps me to be able to understand my struggles and joys in the context of religious life and my own life experience in a way that someone much older wouldn't be able to. It isn't a downplay of the older sisters at all. They offer me wisdom and example that I can't get from anywhere else. They challenge me to live religious life radically. They just might not be able to sing along to the same song on the radio or go to a freezing cold soccer game.
There also comes the points of temptation in our world now. Many things that come on the TV or movies or out of our student's mouths are not up to Catholic moral standards. I hate to say this but... it goes over the older sisters heads sometimes. A rainbow to them means hope, to me it means homosexual rights. The word gay means happy to them. Eminem is a candy, not a rapper. A player is in a board game... not the dating world... The list could go on and on (I tried to use the most G-rated examples I could think of!) But this doesn't even mention the unwanted attention I receive sometimes as a young sister in a habit that can only be described as inappropriate that they might see as being complimentary.
We all have to talk about it, and I'm grateful to have a friend who gets it and can offer solutions and support for all the ins and outs of religious life in our world right now. Hopefully, I do the same.
I went to visit a sister who I am good friends with last night and I stayed over at her convent. We had a wonderful time catching up on everything going on at the convents, talking about community stuff, and taking notes on school things (we both teach the same age group... which means good ideas from one another!) It was so life-giving to spend some time with someone who really is a friend in the spiritual sense. You can't share with everyone your struggles, imperfections, successes and heartaches.
I'm thrilled to see the world picking up on growth in religious life for many communities, especially in the recent spotlight on the Nashville Dominicans. I would hate for anyone to think I'm being petty, but it isn't the same for all communities who are really faithful. My community has always been faithful to Church teaching and we just aren't growing in the same way they are so I have a different experience of community life than some of those sisters do, which is good, not a bad thing! I'd just like to give voice to my own experience.
I was realizing the other day that I really have no day to day contact with peers. The sisters with whom I live are all older and I teach middle school students. I love community and I love school but there are times when I miss very much the interaction I have with people of my own age. The sisters with whom I live are very intentional in allowing me to be young... in fact I think it entertains them to entertain me but they sometimes can't relate to everything going on in my life.
That's why it is so great for me to have a religious who is a friend. We have the same generational experiences and so she helps me to be able to understand my struggles and joys in the context of religious life and my own life experience in a way that someone much older wouldn't be able to. It isn't a downplay of the older sisters at all. They offer me wisdom and example that I can't get from anywhere else. They challenge me to live religious life radically. They just might not be able to sing along to the same song on the radio or go to a freezing cold soccer game.
There also comes the points of temptation in our world now. Many things that come on the TV or movies or out of our student's mouths are not up to Catholic moral standards. I hate to say this but... it goes over the older sisters heads sometimes. A rainbow to them means hope, to me it means homosexual rights. The word gay means happy to them. Eminem is a candy, not a rapper. A player is in a board game... not the dating world... The list could go on and on (I tried to use the most G-rated examples I could think of!) But this doesn't even mention the unwanted attention I receive sometimes as a young sister in a habit that can only be described as inappropriate that they might see as being complimentary.
We all have to talk about it, and I'm grateful to have a friend who gets it and can offer solutions and support for all the ins and outs of religious life in our world right now. Hopefully, I do the same.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
There are so many things you can't do when...
you have no voice! The past few days of Christmas preparations and last days of school have been interesting since I can only whisper.
I had to elect a spokesman in school to make all of my announcements and give directions to the students. They were thrilled with this but still told me they hoped I would feel better for Christmas. Today one of my boys came over with a present for me and was very entertained that I still couldn't speak and was cleaning when he came to the convent.
I'm feeling fine but my voice has just escaped me. Do you think St. Anthony works on things like this? I'll have to ask him to help me out.
Today all the nuns were around and about cleaning and decorating and doing last minute wrapping. We were answering the door every other minute as people brought us beautiful baked goods and lovely Christmas offerings.
This evening though was the most touching. I went out after I was finished working in the house to get my hair cut and to pick up something to help with my throat. When I walked into Hair Cuttery, a man offered me his seat. He was handsome, maybe a few years older than me but still young. The woman next to me was called and he sat down next to me. I was very impressed with his kindness and he began to tell me that he hadn't been to church in a while. He seemed a little bit nervous but finally he asked me if I knew anything about a cross he was wearing that had some symbols on it. I didn't. He very nervously made a comment about my ring being on the ring finger of my left hand. I think he must have been really checking out the nun thing to notice such a small, though meaningful, part of my habit. I explained to him that when I made my vows the priest put this ring on my finger while saying that I was betrothed to the eternal King and I showed him the engraving.
He was called back and he offered me his hand and wished me a happy Christmas. I know it doesn't sound like much but I could tell by his facial expressions and the way he spoke that he was touched by meeting a sister. It just goes to show that we are all responsible to bring Jesus into the world - to make Him visible to others by our lives.
Jesus, come into our hearts and make us more like you.
I had to elect a spokesman in school to make all of my announcements and give directions to the students. They were thrilled with this but still told me they hoped I would feel better for Christmas. Today one of my boys came over with a present for me and was very entertained that I still couldn't speak and was cleaning when he came to the convent.
I'm feeling fine but my voice has just escaped me. Do you think St. Anthony works on things like this? I'll have to ask him to help me out.
Today all the nuns were around and about cleaning and decorating and doing last minute wrapping. We were answering the door every other minute as people brought us beautiful baked goods and lovely Christmas offerings.
This evening though was the most touching. I went out after I was finished working in the house to get my hair cut and to pick up something to help with my throat. When I walked into Hair Cuttery, a man offered me his seat. He was handsome, maybe a few years older than me but still young. The woman next to me was called and he sat down next to me. I was very impressed with his kindness and he began to tell me that he hadn't been to church in a while. He seemed a little bit nervous but finally he asked me if I knew anything about a cross he was wearing that had some symbols on it. I didn't. He very nervously made a comment about my ring being on the ring finger of my left hand. I think he must have been really checking out the nun thing to notice such a small, though meaningful, part of my habit. I explained to him that when I made my vows the priest put this ring on my finger while saying that I was betrothed to the eternal King and I showed him the engraving.
He was called back and he offered me his hand and wished me a happy Christmas. I know it doesn't sound like much but I could tell by his facial expressions and the way he spoke that he was touched by meeting a sister. It just goes to show that we are all responsible to bring Jesus into the world - to make Him visible to others by our lives.
Jesus, come into our hearts and make us more like you.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
It's not Christmas unless someone cries.
Most of the sisters in my community would say these weeks are the worst weeks of the year; in school grades are due, the convent is being decorated, the kids are crazy, time is short, cookies need to be baked, presents wrapped, cards sent, and all the everyday things keep happening. I had my melt-down day today. In the novitiate, we always used to say that it wasn't Christmas if someone didn't cry. I was never that someone until today.
People sometimes warn about over-spiritualizing normal events in everyday life. I think I have failed to spiritualize them enough though these days. I've been so overwhelmed with school and community preparations for Christmas that I've forgotten that God is in all these things too. I hate to cry. I really don't even like emotions all that much... I know they are necessary but it's just not in me. Tonight though it all became too much for me. I spent all weekend at school working on some things that really weren't justly mine. I endured the advice of others to "relax." Then I felt the wrath of missing something important that I should have done a while ago. Needless to say, I found myself getting ready for bed and just crying. As I felt sorry for myself I realized that there are still opportunities that God gives me to forgive, to love, to be humbled, to sacrifice and mortify myself, and to work for His mission in the world. I just forgot that all these everyday things had that kind of meaning and grace in them. Basically, I was being a whiny brat. (I usually tell my middle school kids to "take it like a man" when they get a demerit or a detention, and I was not taking my own advice.)
Confession time - I haven't prayed as I should these days. I have bronchitis and I am exhausted so for the past week I have missed my daily prayer time in order to get more sleep so that I can work my life away. I know that has hurt my chances of doing anything the way God intends me to do it. Anyway, my prayer hasn't been great when it happens either. It's like I'm in a rut. Usually, I do really well to journal about things. It helps me to discern God's voice and action in my life but recently I've just been telling Him all the things I have to do. It has nothing to do with Him and it is all about me.
I don't know what I need to do to fix it, but again I know I'm falling into the trap of trying to "do" something in order to reap a benefit I see that I need. I know I really need to just entrust it all to the mercy of God and know that in His goodness He will show me His love and compassion.
I struggle with whether or not to share this particular part of my sadness tonight on a public forum but I think it is appropriate to share using prudence. It is hard as an active religious sometimes to totally avoid occasions of sin. Sometimes something small that someone says, while I am trying to be charitable and understanding, will stick with me and torture me. It may touch my pride, envy, or desire for affection and that thought will invade all other things. Something like that has been happening to me lately and I don't know quite how to handle it with charity and gentleness. Jesus did say to Peter, "Get behind me Satan." I do know that I need to end the relationship from which this temptation is coming toward me. This doesn't mean I stop praying in charity for the person or the situation but that I distance myself in witness to the Gospel of Christ and my vocation in His holy Church.
I know that Christ has given me a very particular grace to realize this lack of spiritual discernment and the harm being done me by a particular relationship. I must respond to it. I have been blessed to know that no matter what I have given my heart to Him and it can't belong to anyone else. I can't share it; I cannot entrust it; I cannot let it be seen by any other in the way I have allowed Him. It is difficult and painful at times but I do believe that the convergence of all these things at this time tonight was in His plan for me to rededicate myself to Him and to promise further my love and devotion to Him alone.
God keep giving me the grace! Amen.
People sometimes warn about over-spiritualizing normal events in everyday life. I think I have failed to spiritualize them enough though these days. I've been so overwhelmed with school and community preparations for Christmas that I've forgotten that God is in all these things too. I hate to cry. I really don't even like emotions all that much... I know they are necessary but it's just not in me. Tonight though it all became too much for me. I spent all weekend at school working on some things that really weren't justly mine. I endured the advice of others to "relax." Then I felt the wrath of missing something important that I should have done a while ago. Needless to say, I found myself getting ready for bed and just crying. As I felt sorry for myself I realized that there are still opportunities that God gives me to forgive, to love, to be humbled, to sacrifice and mortify myself, and to work for His mission in the world. I just forgot that all these everyday things had that kind of meaning and grace in them. Basically, I was being a whiny brat. (I usually tell my middle school kids to "take it like a man" when they get a demerit or a detention, and I was not taking my own advice.)
Confession time - I haven't prayed as I should these days. I have bronchitis and I am exhausted so for the past week I have missed my daily prayer time in order to get more sleep so that I can work my life away. I know that has hurt my chances of doing anything the way God intends me to do it. Anyway, my prayer hasn't been great when it happens either. It's like I'm in a rut. Usually, I do really well to journal about things. It helps me to discern God's voice and action in my life but recently I've just been telling Him all the things I have to do. It has nothing to do with Him and it is all about me.
I don't know what I need to do to fix it, but again I know I'm falling into the trap of trying to "do" something in order to reap a benefit I see that I need. I know I really need to just entrust it all to the mercy of God and know that in His goodness He will show me His love and compassion.
I struggle with whether or not to share this particular part of my sadness tonight on a public forum but I think it is appropriate to share using prudence. It is hard as an active religious sometimes to totally avoid occasions of sin. Sometimes something small that someone says, while I am trying to be charitable and understanding, will stick with me and torture me. It may touch my pride, envy, or desire for affection and that thought will invade all other things. Something like that has been happening to me lately and I don't know quite how to handle it with charity and gentleness. Jesus did say to Peter, "Get behind me Satan." I do know that I need to end the relationship from which this temptation is coming toward me. This doesn't mean I stop praying in charity for the person or the situation but that I distance myself in witness to the Gospel of Christ and my vocation in His holy Church.
I know that Christ has given me a very particular grace to realize this lack of spiritual discernment and the harm being done me by a particular relationship. I must respond to it. I have been blessed to know that no matter what I have given my heart to Him and it can't belong to anyone else. I can't share it; I cannot entrust it; I cannot let it be seen by any other in the way I have allowed Him. It is difficult and painful at times but I do believe that the convergence of all these things at this time tonight was in His plan for me to rededicate myself to Him and to promise further my love and devotion to Him alone.
God keep giving me the grace! Amen.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving
Today I am giving thanks for the gift of community. On Tuesday the kids asked me where I would be going to Thanksgiving. While my convent is going to the convent down the street for our Thanksgiving dinner, I told the kids that the sisters celebrate all holidays together before doing any personal visiting of family and friends for the holidays. My kids were upset and asked why we couldn't go home for the holidays. I told them that some sisters don't have anywhere to go and we would never leave a sister alone.
They don't know this, but I am one of those sisters who doesn't have anywhere to go for the holidays. I think a lot of people still take for granted that sisters come from wonderful Catholic families full of love and joy. While I guess that seems to be true for the majority, for me it isn't. It makes the holidays very difficult at times. If we didn't celebrate together, I would be alone. My parents are divorced and I don't have a family home to stay in. I depend on community for companionship and that truly Christ-centered family love.
Our visit to the convent down the street for Thanksgiving was so lovely. When we arrived the sisters stopped what they were doing to talk and chat in the community room until dinner was ready. All was being kept warm in the oven when we went together to Chapel for prayers. We got together to "swell the crowd" and we certainly were stuffed in together in Chapel. It was such a nice way to share faith and community. There was a beautiful prayer waiting at our spots in the dining room which we said together. Then the feast began! Laughter, tears, stories, fun, and joy flavored every minute of our delicious meal with one another.
It was also a gift to be with sisters I know well and sisters I've never met before and still feel welcomed and at home. After all, our hearts and minds are one and no matter what we belong together to walk this journey to the Lord. I can't help but think that our little gathering was a small beginning to "Preparing the way for the Lord." as we enter into Advent. Where two or more are gathered in His name, He is there and tonight was a wonderful example to me of that true Presence.
So thank You God for my vocation, my community, my friends, my sisters, my consecration, my vows, and the love you have put into my heart. Amen.
They don't know this, but I am one of those sisters who doesn't have anywhere to go for the holidays. I think a lot of people still take for granted that sisters come from wonderful Catholic families full of love and joy. While I guess that seems to be true for the majority, for me it isn't. It makes the holidays very difficult at times. If we didn't celebrate together, I would be alone. My parents are divorced and I don't have a family home to stay in. I depend on community for companionship and that truly Christ-centered family love.
Our visit to the convent down the street for Thanksgiving was so lovely. When we arrived the sisters stopped what they were doing to talk and chat in the community room until dinner was ready. All was being kept warm in the oven when we went together to Chapel for prayers. We got together to "swell the crowd" and we certainly were stuffed in together in Chapel. It was such a nice way to share faith and community. There was a beautiful prayer waiting at our spots in the dining room which we said together. Then the feast began! Laughter, tears, stories, fun, and joy flavored every minute of our delicious meal with one another.
It was also a gift to be with sisters I know well and sisters I've never met before and still feel welcomed and at home. After all, our hearts and minds are one and no matter what we belong together to walk this journey to the Lord. I can't help but think that our little gathering was a small beginning to "Preparing the way for the Lord." as we enter into Advent. Where two or more are gathered in His name, He is there and tonight was a wonderful example to me of that true Presence.
So thank You God for my vocation, my community, my friends, my sisters, my consecration, my vows, and the love you have put into my heart. Amen.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Super-nun
Sometimes I feel like Super - Nun. This is not one of those times!
Nothing really has happened to make me feel so 'bleh'. It is just difficult being a religious, a teacher, a blood sister, a daughter, a friend, and a speaker. In each of those categories a million other things are required and they never fit into the twenty four hours I'm allotted each day (which is something I've been meaning to ask God about! Why such short days?! :) )
As a religious I spend about two hours a day in scheduled prayer. I live in community where I have charges to do and common life to participate in through meals, prayers, friendship, and chatter. As a teacher I am counselor, friend, parent, confidant, grader, planner, and a million other things. I still have a family that I never talk to and wish I could. My friends are getting engaged and married and sometimes I can't even keep track anymore!
I love my life, but sometimes I live it better than others. Sometimes I have so much energy and I get that balance so right and I feel like a million bucks. Those are the times when I feel like super - nun. When it all doesn't quite come together; when my emails are busting my inbox seams, when the papers, tests, and homework assignments are up to my eyeballs, when I'm running in the door just in time for prayers, when I'm going to sleep at midnight, and when I'm forgetting everything not attached to me... I wonder if I can actually do it!
This is one of those times... yet here I am blogging. Maybe not the best use of time, but it does help put a name on this lack of "super-nun" feeling. And it has given me some perspective. Jesus didn't call me to be successful and to be super-nun. He called me to be the woman I am in the life He chose for me in relationship with Him. I have to learn to be humble enough to accept my shortcomings and failings.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Future
So often as a young woman religious I think of the future of religious life. What will it look like if we can't live next door to the parish school? What if there is no parish school? What if there are no priests to say Mass for us? What if we live in a faithless world? Will we fail to persevere? Will we be faithful to what our sisters have left us? Will the Church still want us? How will we take care of our elderly sisters? How will we serve God's people?... When will we sleep while were doing all of this??? :)
It is overwhelming and humbling. I have no answer to any of the questions above because they aren't happening yet. Right now, my job is to grow into the religious woman God has called me to be and all I need to do is stay focused on that one thing. Prayer, community, and ministry will all come together the way He has planned in each moment. I truly believe that what is happening to us through closures, financial problems, and lack of vocations are God pruning us and preparing us for a future that He has in mind, not the future we've been thinking of.
That's what makes me sure it will be wonderful, it is His and not mine!
Pray for us that we follow His will!
It is overwhelming and humbling. I have no answer to any of the questions above because they aren't happening yet. Right now, my job is to grow into the religious woman God has called me to be and all I need to do is stay focused on that one thing. Prayer, community, and ministry will all come together the way He has planned in each moment. I truly believe that what is happening to us through closures, financial problems, and lack of vocations are God pruning us and preparing us for a future that He has in mind, not the future we've been thinking of.
That's what makes me sure it will be wonderful, it is His and not mine!
Pray for us that we follow His will!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Confirmation
My kids are preparing to receive Confirmation this fall and I'm starting to get nervous. Basically, I had three months to prepare them for this wonderful sacrament but there are so many things I feel like I haven't even gotten to yet. It is such a responsibility and I frequently find myself feeling overwhelmed by everything I want to share with them. However, a little victory this week made all the stress and rush of it seem worth it.
The students were writing their letters to the bishop who is going to confirm them and as they wrote their rough drafts they asked me to read them before they wrote them on the paper with the school seal on it. As I read each of their letters I was so touched by their words to the bishop and I realized a) that they really do listen when I talk to them and b) that they really do care about their faith. The most beautiful of the letters was one by one of my boys. He wrote that he was choosing the name Joseph because "Joseph took care of Mary and Jesus and I admire him for that." No matter what I do, God has obviously touched his heart and brought him to that beautiful desire to be like the foster father and mother of God. We had first Friday Mass today as a school community and all of them were their beautiful selves but as I watched their faces and their movements I was so proud to be their teacher.
At Mass, Father spoke about praying for vocations to the priesthood and religious life and as I looked at my boys and girls I remembered what a student said to me when I was giving a vocation talk one time. She asked, "Sister, can you tell when you look at us?" My answer was, "yes." It is amazing the look in a child's eyes when it dawns on them that a) it could be possible that God is calling them, and that b) they feel something that they haven't noticed before. Well, we were talking about the will of God when one of my dear boys stated that it must have been the will of God that our classroom pet died. (Nothing is theologically sophisticated with sixth graders.) It was off-topic and meant to throw me off onto something "more interesting." (I know their game :) ) Anyway, I responded by asking this child if he was asking God what His will was for him. He answered, not to be a priest sister... don't even try! Now, he is a sweet heart so it wasn't meant as a dig. But my answer was, "You said it, not me!"
Tomorrow I will be part of a vocation day for my community. I'm excited to be able to offer my Saturday (which I love because it is great to catch up on schoolwork) for potential vocations to the religious life. It's a great life!! Please pray that God's will be made known to the young women who will be joining the sisters for a day of prayer and discernment. Lord, grant us more vocations!
The students were writing their letters to the bishop who is going to confirm them and as they wrote their rough drafts they asked me to read them before they wrote them on the paper with the school seal on it. As I read each of their letters I was so touched by their words to the bishop and I realized a) that they really do listen when I talk to them and b) that they really do care about their faith. The most beautiful of the letters was one by one of my boys. He wrote that he was choosing the name Joseph because "Joseph took care of Mary and Jesus and I admire him for that." No matter what I do, God has obviously touched his heart and brought him to that beautiful desire to be like the foster father and mother of God. We had first Friday Mass today as a school community and all of them were their beautiful selves but as I watched their faces and their movements I was so proud to be their teacher.
At Mass, Father spoke about praying for vocations to the priesthood and religious life and as I looked at my boys and girls I remembered what a student said to me when I was giving a vocation talk one time. She asked, "Sister, can you tell when you look at us?" My answer was, "yes." It is amazing the look in a child's eyes when it dawns on them that a) it could be possible that God is calling them, and that b) they feel something that they haven't noticed before. Well, we were talking about the will of God when one of my dear boys stated that it must have been the will of God that our classroom pet died. (Nothing is theologically sophisticated with sixth graders.) It was off-topic and meant to throw me off onto something "more interesting." (I know their game :) ) Anyway, I responded by asking this child if he was asking God what His will was for him. He answered, not to be a priest sister... don't even try! Now, he is a sweet heart so it wasn't meant as a dig. But my answer was, "You said it, not me!"
Tomorrow I will be part of a vocation day for my community. I'm excited to be able to offer my Saturday (which I love because it is great to catch up on schoolwork) for potential vocations to the religious life. It's a great life!! Please pray that God's will be made known to the young women who will be joining the sisters for a day of prayer and discernment. Lord, grant us more vocations!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
My Homeless Husband
Well, tonight I was very upset during Mass. I decided to go to the Saturday Vigil Mass because I have been sick with a cold this week and a sleep in tomorrow is exactly what I need. On my way over a man came to ask me for prayers. There are many homeless people who live around the convent because of our location and I make it a point not to ever turn them away from me. They want to know the sisters love them and care about them.
He didn't ask me for any money. He just wanted to pray together. I took his hand in mine and he closed his eyes while I said a few words for both of us to God asking for help and thanking Him for our lives. He smelled of alcohol and after I prayed with him he hugged me and thanked me for caring. I was reminded of Father Damien and the lepers.
When I reached the doors to church an older woman scolded me for speaking to him. She told me he was a drunk and a good for nothing freeloader. He didn't belong here in our parish. I was quite angry, and told her that Jesus had no home and relied on the people in the towns He visited. I also told her that love had no limit and that he asked me for prayers only. I almost told her my natural father is an alcoholic... thank God I controlled myself!
However, when the Gospel began about Lazarus I came close to crying. Are the homeless not allowed to attend Mass? Can they not be in the presence of Jesus unless they are cleaned up and straightened out? Are they outside of salvation's reach because they don't have a house to live in? And what about that woman who scolded me... will she be accepted into the Father's house after denying this man prayer? Will she be able to look Jesus in the eyes after turning Him away? Her disgust and hatred was so evident, it was sickening.
When I got home, I told the sisters all about it and I was glad they agreed with me. We have problems with security in our house. It isn't safe sometimes because of the amount of people living in tents and other haphazard structures around our convent so I was worried they might have the same feeling about this poor man. However, they agreed. I shouldn't have even second guessed them. He is a human being. He deserves and needs love.
Anyway, I realized when I got home that I could look my husband in the eyes because of what I said to that man today. I don't care about that woman's hatred for this poor soul or what the more well - to - do members of the parish thought of seeing me conversing with him and holding his hand because the only person who matters is Him. I truly believe that Jesus has much more in common with that homeless man than He does with the people who tell him he doesn't belong. He loved. He asked for help. He accepted charity. He forgave. He prayed.
Lord let me do the same. Let me never become so complacent and particular that I cannot accept the ways in which You decide to reveal Yourself to me. Never let me deny Lazarus a drink of water, a bite to eat, a prayer to share.
He didn't ask me for any money. He just wanted to pray together. I took his hand in mine and he closed his eyes while I said a few words for both of us to God asking for help and thanking Him for our lives. He smelled of alcohol and after I prayed with him he hugged me and thanked me for caring. I was reminded of Father Damien and the lepers.
When I reached the doors to church an older woman scolded me for speaking to him. She told me he was a drunk and a good for nothing freeloader. He didn't belong here in our parish. I was quite angry, and told her that Jesus had no home and relied on the people in the towns He visited. I also told her that love had no limit and that he asked me for prayers only. I almost told her my natural father is an alcoholic... thank God I controlled myself!
However, when the Gospel began about Lazarus I came close to crying. Are the homeless not allowed to attend Mass? Can they not be in the presence of Jesus unless they are cleaned up and straightened out? Are they outside of salvation's reach because they don't have a house to live in? And what about that woman who scolded me... will she be accepted into the Father's house after denying this man prayer? Will she be able to look Jesus in the eyes after turning Him away? Her disgust and hatred was so evident, it was sickening.
When I got home, I told the sisters all about it and I was glad they agreed with me. We have problems with security in our house. It isn't safe sometimes because of the amount of people living in tents and other haphazard structures around our convent so I was worried they might have the same feeling about this poor man. However, they agreed. I shouldn't have even second guessed them. He is a human being. He deserves and needs love.
Anyway, I realized when I got home that I could look my husband in the eyes because of what I said to that man today. I don't care about that woman's hatred for this poor soul or what the more well - to - do members of the parish thought of seeing me conversing with him and holding his hand because the only person who matters is Him. I truly believe that Jesus has much more in common with that homeless man than He does with the people who tell him he doesn't belong. He loved. He asked for help. He accepted charity. He forgave. He prayed.
Lord let me do the same. Let me never become so complacent and particular that I cannot accept the ways in which You decide to reveal Yourself to me. Never let me deny Lazarus a drink of water, a bite to eat, a prayer to share.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Everyday Life
Well, I was thinking about the enormous amount of things I am so blessed to get to include in my day and I thought I would share a little with you of what a typical day for me is like. During the week, I wake up at 4:30 and get dressed quickly. It is the least favorite part of my day. If I could change anything in the world, it would be that in the morning you would wake up dressed and washed and ready to go. The prayers I say as I put on my habit in the morning are so beautiful, however, being human, I don't remember even saying them when I make it to Chapel because I am usually so tired!
I spend an hour in prayer in our convent Chapel before morning prayer in common with the sisters. Sometimes I pray my Rosary, my stations, journal, or spiritual reading. What I don't do in the morning I do at night. We always say the Rosary and the Stations of the Cross. I live in a small house right now and none of us are good singers. Thank God He loves us whether we are good singers or not because some days just starting the hymn is a comedy. The General Superior doesn't ask about musical skills before she changes us under obedience.
After prayers, we have to drive to the next parish over for Mass. Each day after receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, we renew our vows privately in our hearts. Usually I put my face in my hands so that I don't get distracted as I remember those words I have said each day that are the very meaning of my life, and the very meaning of the Eucharist. These words, which I so often say without the reverence they deserve, shape my whole life and my every day.
When I get home from Mass, I pick up my school bag and off I go! I have a half-hour to set up my SmartBoard, my laptop, and other classroom resources before my little children of God show up. They come in like a flash of lightning and they actually are not little at all. I teach middle school. So, you can imagine how their entrance each day goes!
I try all day to talk some sense into preteen boys and girls - mostly a futile task - and love them. Those are my two jobs when I am at school. However, in addition to that, they confide in me, they laugh with me, they cry with me and they share their lives with me. What a gift from God!
After school, I pack my bag and scuttle home after my desk looks somewhat neat and clean. I unpack my things, do a little work, and go to Chapel for evening prayer. After vespers, we eat dinner together. I clean the kitchen after dinner because it is my charge. If I don't have a parent, school, or community meeting (which seems rare sometimes) I go watch the news with the nuns and then get in the shower and put my pjs on. This is one of my favorite parts of the day! Ha!
I might do some schoolwork, go to the community room with the sisters, or go to chapel after this. Either way I always end the day in my bedroom praying compline and doing a little spiritual reading before I hit the hay. As I fall asleep I start my second rosary. My guardian angel always finishes!
So thank you Jesus for the weekend! I am exhausted just from writing this and need some major rest. On Saturday the parish mass is at 9 am! So goodnight and God bless!
I spend an hour in prayer in our convent Chapel before morning prayer in common with the sisters. Sometimes I pray my Rosary, my stations, journal, or spiritual reading. What I don't do in the morning I do at night. We always say the Rosary and the Stations of the Cross. I live in a small house right now and none of us are good singers. Thank God He loves us whether we are good singers or not because some days just starting the hymn is a comedy. The General Superior doesn't ask about musical skills before she changes us under obedience.
After prayers, we have to drive to the next parish over for Mass. Each day after receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, we renew our vows privately in our hearts. Usually I put my face in my hands so that I don't get distracted as I remember those words I have said each day that are the very meaning of my life, and the very meaning of the Eucharist. These words, which I so often say without the reverence they deserve, shape my whole life and my every day.
When I get home from Mass, I pick up my school bag and off I go! I have a half-hour to set up my SmartBoard, my laptop, and other classroom resources before my little children of God show up. They come in like a flash of lightning and they actually are not little at all. I teach middle school. So, you can imagine how their entrance each day goes!
I try all day to talk some sense into preteen boys and girls - mostly a futile task - and love them. Those are my two jobs when I am at school. However, in addition to that, they confide in me, they laugh with me, they cry with me and they share their lives with me. What a gift from God!
After school, I pack my bag and scuttle home after my desk looks somewhat neat and clean. I unpack my things, do a little work, and go to Chapel for evening prayer. After vespers, we eat dinner together. I clean the kitchen after dinner because it is my charge. If I don't have a parent, school, or community meeting (which seems rare sometimes) I go watch the news with the nuns and then get in the shower and put my pjs on. This is one of my favorite parts of the day! Ha!
I might do some schoolwork, go to the community room with the sisters, or go to chapel after this. Either way I always end the day in my bedroom praying compline and doing a little spiritual reading before I hit the hay. As I fall asleep I start my second rosary. My guardian angel always finishes!
So thank you Jesus for the weekend! I am exhausted just from writing this and need some major rest. On Saturday the parish mass is at 9 am! So goodnight and God bless!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
The Nature of Sacrifice
This weekend I was at a community meeting and it became painfully clear how much we need to talk about what sacrifice and hard work really are. After enjoying a wonderful day with my sisters, we had Mass in our Chapel at our Motherhouse. The priest who said Mass was just wonderful - a Redemptorist like our dear founder. He was, maybe not so prudently, saying that religious women have done more for the Church than anyone. The heart of his comment was really to let us know his gratitude for us and the gratitude of the Church for our sacrifice and our hard work.
I'm not sure quite how it happened next but all the sudden from behind me I heard a clap. Someone was actually clapping out loud during the homily. While I was immediately disturbed by sister's lack of etiquette and reverence, I pondered from where her reaction came. I found myself meditating on the sentence, "Because we have sacrificed so much..." and I realized that the way I finish that sentence is, unfortunately, different from the way she does.
The way I finish that sentence is "I still haven't given enough, I need to give more, Christ calls me to continue, our Blessed Mother aids me in my perseverance, we must give it all, we have to keep serving, we have to keep going." The way my dear sister finished the sentence is "we deserve a break, we deserve respect, we deserve more freedom, we are finished our work, we should relax, we should take a break, we should be put on pedestals and not be expected to live the harsh, difficult, and radical life God has given to us."
I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't upset me that any of my sisters feels this way... it profoundly does. It breaks my heart that some of their hearts have become so hard. At the same time I realize she didn't just decide one day to wake up and think this way. It probably started with a superior who made her go to school when she had the flu, then a pastor who didn't support the school, then an older sister who yelled at her for nothing, a principal who put all the responsibility of the school on her shoulders. Soon enough, she saw other sisters moving into their own apartments, taking on prestigious positions, and earning their own way.
Fortunately, her position is not one that many of my sisters share, but it is painful nonetheless. It is painful both for her and for the rest of us. I don't know how anyone else felt after the little outburst. It was little because no one joined her. However, I felt called very much to pray and think about sacrificing more and about protecting my heart from the hardness that can come from being treated with a lack of charity. We are all human and our sisters will always fail. I will always fail them. But it is Him who does all things in us. We do not need to worry. We do not need to take all of these things on our shoulders. He who has called us will see us through.
I leave this little reflection feeling very much at peace and very much dedicated to continuing to sacrifice, especially for my sister who needs my prayers and my love at this point. It is so easy to see her as "other" and as "outside" the group. Her views may be, however, she is still vowed in the same way I am and I am still responsible for her, as she is for me.
Community is the place where we lead one another down the road to Heaven. God gives us those who need help and those who can help us wherever we go. Sister may never know this but God was able to use even this for His good because He was able to remind my heart to trust, to love, and to give unreservedly so that I never lose sight the purpose of my life.
I'm not sure quite how it happened next but all the sudden from behind me I heard a clap. Someone was actually clapping out loud during the homily. While I was immediately disturbed by sister's lack of etiquette and reverence, I pondered from where her reaction came. I found myself meditating on the sentence, "Because we have sacrificed so much..." and I realized that the way I finish that sentence is, unfortunately, different from the way she does.
The way I finish that sentence is "I still haven't given enough, I need to give more, Christ calls me to continue, our Blessed Mother aids me in my perseverance, we must give it all, we have to keep serving, we have to keep going." The way my dear sister finished the sentence is "we deserve a break, we deserve respect, we deserve more freedom, we are finished our work, we should relax, we should take a break, we should be put on pedestals and not be expected to live the harsh, difficult, and radical life God has given to us."
I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't upset me that any of my sisters feels this way... it profoundly does. It breaks my heart that some of their hearts have become so hard. At the same time I realize she didn't just decide one day to wake up and think this way. It probably started with a superior who made her go to school when she had the flu, then a pastor who didn't support the school, then an older sister who yelled at her for nothing, a principal who put all the responsibility of the school on her shoulders. Soon enough, she saw other sisters moving into their own apartments, taking on prestigious positions, and earning their own way.
Fortunately, her position is not one that many of my sisters share, but it is painful nonetheless. It is painful both for her and for the rest of us. I don't know how anyone else felt after the little outburst. It was little because no one joined her. However, I felt called very much to pray and think about sacrificing more and about protecting my heart from the hardness that can come from being treated with a lack of charity. We are all human and our sisters will always fail. I will always fail them. But it is Him who does all things in us. We do not need to worry. We do not need to take all of these things on our shoulders. He who has called us will see us through.
I leave this little reflection feeling very much at peace and very much dedicated to continuing to sacrifice, especially for my sister who needs my prayers and my love at this point. It is so easy to see her as "other" and as "outside" the group. Her views may be, however, she is still vowed in the same way I am and I am still responsible for her, as she is for me.
Community is the place where we lead one another down the road to Heaven. God gives us those who need help and those who can help us wherever we go. Sister may never know this but God was able to use even this for His good because He was able to remind my heart to trust, to love, and to give unreservedly so that I never lose sight the purpose of my life.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Random thoughts
You know what?... I just love being a sister. I don't know why, but some days I just feel overwhelmed by how awesome it is to be a spouse of Christ and a sister to His people. Community, ministry, mission, obedience, chastity, poverty... what gifts they are!!
As I have mentioned before, the summers are frequently chaotic as sisters are going on retreat, offering service in one of our many missions, and getting ready for another year of educational ministry. Tonight our superior made hot dogs for dinner. I love hot dogs! It really is the simple things that make everything worth while. We enjoyed a lovely dinner together on the porch. As we shared all our adventures from the day, I felt so blessed to be on this journey with my sisters.
Speaking of adventures.... my adventures were many in number today. I had to find some of the textbooks for my dear children, fix the showers in the convent, clean my charge, plan my lessons, meet with my superior, and decorate my classroom today. It was wild. As I reread everything I have done today I feel energized and excited because all of it was done in love and prayer for my sisters and for God's people.
Tomorrow another adventure awaits me. It is the last weekend before school starts and my dear sister - friend is coming to stay over at my convent. I am going to pick her up and we are going to buy a few things for my classroom before grabbing a cheese steak (I am in Philadelphia :)) and coming back to the convent.
Please pray for me as I prepare for school to begin! I will be praying for you!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Home
I am home at last in my new convent. Since my retreat ended I have been running around like a crazy woman trying to get unpacked in the convent and school while figuring out where the soap, broom, milk, and other household items are! The sisters have been wonderful to me, especially since most of them are new as well! We have all been lost in the basement more than once since we arrived due to the fact that there are three stairwells in this house. It makes things quite confusing.
It is so overwhelming to spend so long packing and preparing to move and then have to undo all of it and put things in order again. I am so glad to finally have most of my life in some organizational scheme. School is coming along as well. I went over yesterday and stayed all day but today I decided to sleep in and go to the 11:30 Mass. After, I cleaned my charges and did laundry. However, there is still much to be done.
One of the things I love about convents is that they are old. I know not all convents are old but a lot of them are... mine is one of them. Old things frequently need repairs and we have been having a hilarious time trying to figure out what is wrong with more than a few items in and around the house. One of those items is the internet, which is why I haven't been posting for a while. Other items include the sewing machine, phone, television, refridgerator, ice maker, carpet cleaner, and almost everything in the basement. During the day all of the sisters have been going their own ways to fix up their charges and get classrooms ready, but at night in the community room the big discussion is always about the discoveries during the day. One sister found the key to a door we couldn't open, another found the dust brush, another gave up and bought a new mop (I'm sure in a few months we will find the old one!).
No matter what there has been much love and laughter as we have banded together in community to get comfortable in our new surroundings.
Thank God there is still time before school starts because there is still so much to do. I know He will take care of it though!
Many prayers!
It is so overwhelming to spend so long packing and preparing to move and then have to undo all of it and put things in order again. I am so glad to finally have most of my life in some organizational scheme. School is coming along as well. I went over yesterday and stayed all day but today I decided to sleep in and go to the 11:30 Mass. After, I cleaned my charges and did laundry. However, there is still much to be done.
One of the things I love about convents is that they are old. I know not all convents are old but a lot of them are... mine is one of them. Old things frequently need repairs and we have been having a hilarious time trying to figure out what is wrong with more than a few items in and around the house. One of those items is the internet, which is why I haven't been posting for a while. Other items include the sewing machine, phone, television, refridgerator, ice maker, carpet cleaner, and almost everything in the basement. During the day all of the sisters have been going their own ways to fix up their charges and get classrooms ready, but at night in the community room the big discussion is always about the discoveries during the day. One sister found the key to a door we couldn't open, another found the dust brush, another gave up and bought a new mop (I'm sure in a few months we will find the old one!).
No matter what there has been much love and laughter as we have banded together in community to get comfortable in our new surroundings.
Thank God there is still time before school starts because there is still so much to do. I know He will take care of it though!
Many prayers!
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